(The following is a guest post from a female college student who contacted me recently because she wants to work in the field of sex education. I asked if she would like to write occasionally for my blog, and she said yes.)
When my parents gave me “the talk”, the first thing my mother said was, “We would prefer that you wait until marriage to have sex. Whether or not you choose to be abstinent is a personal choice. As long as you keep yourself safe, and don’t make us grandparents anytime soon, we’re good.”
Over a period of 3 nights, they talked about the importance of birth control and getting tested every 6 months. We discussed how to use a condom and emergency contraception. We talked about the emotional aspects when it comes to sex, masturbation, toys, and why waiting would be better. We talked about the difference between statutory rape and rape, molestation, and the age of consent.
Personally, I would like to save myself until marriage. And if I just so happen to have sex before I’m married, I know that I will be just fine. My parents have kept open lines of communication because they want me to be able to go to them with any issues. I’m grateful that they do this and I have no problem telling my parents anything.
I only wish that my peers had the same opportunity as I did. Whenever the topic of sex comes up, I’m shocked at what my peers don’t know about. I believe that if you are going to be participating in sex, something that I consider a very risky action, then you should know how to prevent situations form happening.
I don’t argue in the least that sex can be very risky. But I think it does pre-sexually-active teens and young adults a disservice by touting it as “a very risky action.” Driving a car is also risky, but most teens/young adults aren’t afraid to drive, because we couch it as a privilege with a high degree of responsibility rather than as something that could potentially kill you, maim you, etc. I think it’s more accurate (and leaves doors open to conversation) to discuss sex as being similar. Rather than it being “risky” or “dangerous” or something to be avoided for as long as possible, why don’t we talk about it as something that requires a high degree of trust in another person? As something that requires good communication and a sense of self-worth (enough to keep people from taking advantage or pushing you into situations you don’t really want to be in)? As something that can be really amazing and contribute to the growth of self and relationship – but that also involves a lot of personal responsibility? I just feel that if we treat sex the same way we do about other major coming-of-age rites and activities, we’ll have young adults who are more willing to talk about safety and take precautions because it isn’t taboo and it isn’t a frightening prospect (or something to be done willy-nilly because your parents tried to scare you away from it and you want to be a rebel).