How to answer questions about S-E-X

This is a conversation that was recently repeated to me by a father that he had with his 7-year-old daughter:

Daughter: “Daddy, why do you and Mommy talk about sex so often?  That’s all you ever do is talk, talk, talk about sex!”

Father: “Uhhh…When do you hear us talking about sex?”

Daughter: “All the time!  That’s all you ever do, is talk, talk, talk about sex!  Especially when me and [younger sister] aren’t around!  Talk, talk, talk!”

Father: “Hmm!”

Daughter: “Yep, you and Mommy just sit on the couch with your computers or your cell phones or your iPods and you talk about Sex in the City!  That’s all you ever do!”

Aha!  The father was able to stay mostly silent, keeping his daughter talking until he really understood what she was asking.  He didn’t blunder into an answer that was far over his daughter’s head, accidentally creating the very situation he was afraid had already been created.  By maintaining his calm, and continuing to listen, he was able to answer his young daughter’s question correctly:

Father: “Sex and the City is a TV show that your mommy and her friends like.”

Daughter: “Oh! Okay!”

Freak-out diverted, question answered, big sighs of relief all around!

About Karen Rayne

Dr. Karen Rayne has been supporting parents and families since 2007 when she received her PhD in Educational Psychology. A specialist in child wellbeing, Dr. Rayne has spent much of her career supporting parents, teachers, and other adults who care for children and teenagers.


  1. I’m taking notes!

  2. Brilliant example! Well told.

  3. Im turning 13 in july and I masturbate in my bed once every night . I want to know if its normal or not for me to use something that goes in my sexual parts or am I to young for that ?

  4. Hi Haley,

    As long as you’re using something that is sanitary and clean, it’s fine to use a toy during masturbation. Here’s a good article from Heather Corinna at that gives you some more information about masturbation. Probably the easiest and safest thing to put into your vagina during masturbation is also easy to find – your fingers! Just be sure you’ve washed them and your fingernails aren’t too long.

    And nope, you are certainly not too young to masturbation.

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