I am currently working on several posts about the seedier side of sexuality. The first is about the recent article in the New York Times Magazine about adolescent sex offenders. (To be clear, these are teenagers or pre-teenagers who have engaged in sexual behavior with children who are at least two years younger than they are.) The second is about the new book Getting Off: Pornography and the End of Masculinity by Robert Jensen. After posting one or two discussions of Dr. Jensen’s book, I will post a conversation between me and Dr. Jensen here.
In the meantime, I am spending much of my time reading and thinking about these very painful issues. I am reminded that sex, for many, is something to be endured. For others, there is an obsession about sexuality, and sex becomes the focus of every waking thought. Sex is far to often tied-up with power, pain, and rape. These should be issues that adolescents are free from. Adolescents deserve the space to discover their sexuality without these unbearable forces breathing down their necks. Far too often, though, it is the teenagers who are just awakening to their sexuality who take the brunt of societal angst and anger around sex.
So I am asking for your input. How can we prepare our teenagers to stand in this social context and maintain a healthy sexuality? How can we help our teenagers respect their bodies and everyone else’s body? How can we bring about a sexual revolution?
When I was 13-16, I felt so ugly that I attempted to ignore my sexuality by relating to guys only on a sister/old-buddy basis. When I was 17-21 I suddenly became attractive, to older men at first, and eventually to men my own age. I felt like a piece of meat, which made me afraid. Finally when I was 22 I met my husband. Marriage works well as a way for me to express my sexuality while still feeling safe. I would still be afraid if I were single.