I am reading a book right now called How To Be The Best Lover: A guide for teenage boys by Howard Schiffer. The book is intended to be a follow-up to a series of basic sex talks parents should have with young boys. The book covers many topics including communicating with girls, masturbation, foreplay, pregnancy prevention, and sexual intercourse. All of these topics are discussed in a framework of healthy, appropriate romantic and sexual relationships. (I will interview Schiffer on Thursday morning, and would be delighted to include any questions any of you may have based on this relatively short description.)
While, as with any book, there are some things I would have done differently, Schiffer’s book is mostly stunning. He approaches sexuality openly with teenage boys. And even more importantly, he doesn’t just discuss it – he tells boys how to do it. Are you surprised? Well, you shouldn’t be. Because what Schiffer tells boys, in great detail, is how to involve himself emotionally with a girlfriend. The physical discussions are a relatively small part of the book – no in-depth discussion of oral sex technique to be found here.
So here is the part that should surprise you. And make you realize what so many parents and sex educators been doing wrong in our sex education. Real words. Real language. Schiffer does not baulk at talking about playing with a girl’s nipples, giving and receiving oral sex, and rubbing his penis against her body. It is refreshing for someone to finally talk about these activities frankly and openly with teenage boys.