Me: Why do you think senior sexuality is important?
Joan: Acceptance of our own sexuality and open-mindedness about any consensual sex taking place between people of age to give consent — and by that I mean emotional age, not legal age of consent necessarily. I know that at age 17, I was fully ready to engage in sex with my 19-year-old boyfriend. We had been dating for two years, and only waited that long because we were scared to death that either my parents would find out or I’d get pregnant. (The first happened; the second didn’t.) I fear for girls who become sexually active before they’re emotionally ready, though — to please a boyfriend, or because “everyone’s doing it.” I encourage teens to talk to older, trusted adults before becoming sexually active, and definitely to use barrier protection (condoms) every time.
Me: How can parents and teachers best help children and teenagers start down that road?
Joan: I was a high school English teacher for 22 years before I switched to a writing career, and I still have a great love for and enjoyment of teenagers. When I was teaching, many students talked to me or wrote in their journals about their relationships. Sometimes they confided intimate details that they didn’t feel they could tell their parents. I encourage teachers to make themselves accessible and safe, letting their students know they’re available, opening up topics in class that let the teenagers know that the teachers understand and have useful perspectives to share. I encourage parents to do the same thing, but realize — and please accept this — that as open-minded, accessible, and loving as they are, their teenaged sons and daughters might feel more comfortable talking to a different adult. (I’d love to hear from teenagers about how they feel about this topic.)
When I was a DRE, I wanted to make a collage of magazine pictures of people of all different walks of life to put on the wall for the kids to see.
I found everything else easily, but I couldn’t find any pictures of old people. Not old people showing their sexuality. I couldn’t find any pictures of old people.
I remember wondering then what it must be like to be invisible.
As far as her comments, I can easily see where some young people can be ready for sex at 17 while others aren’t ready at 20. And I absolutely think that teachers and other trusted non-parent adults can be great sources of support for young people. But I think you’re doing a great job of helping parents be that!
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