Adolescent Sexuality by Dr. Karen Rayne

Today I am working with a film production company from France. They will be interviewing me about the beginnings of sexuality (remember our conversations about masturbation from last week?) for an up-coming international documentary. They will also be filming a (staged) sex ed class for middle school students. Here is one of the activities we’ll be doing:

Masturbation Fish Bowl - The leaders (me and my friend Patty) will write two lists of questions about masturbation: one for boys and one for girls. The boys will sit in a circle facing inward, and the girls will sit in a circle around them, also facing inwards. The boys will answer the questions directed at boys. The girls will remain silent. Then the boys and the girls will switch.

This activity is designed to increase understanding of the other gender and pleasure
while remaining in a safe environment. When there is more time, the girls write questions for the boys to answer and the boys write questions for the girls to answer. Any topic will do, but it is often useful to help focus the conversation with a general topic.

The story of how we learn about sex and our bodies varies dramatically by culture and by era. There are so many places to learn about sex and bodies: parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, friends, boyfriends and girlfriends, school teachers, churches, movies, music, advertisements, porn, and the Internet. And, of course, many more. The messages we get also span a wide range: are we sexual beings, is sexuality essentially positive or negative, is sexuality strength or weakness, are bodies inherently beautiful or do they need to be made beautiful?

Where did you learn about sex and your body? What message do you think you were supposed to get? What message did you take away?

To honor these differences and paths, I am gathering people’s stories of how they learned answers to these questions and more. I hope to gather stories from different cultures, genders, orientations, religions, and ages around the world. Each and every story is special and has something interesting to say, so I hope you’ll consider telling me yours. You may remain anonymous.

You can approach telling your story in whatever way works best for you. I can send you a list of questions to answer if you want to work in an interview format. Here are a variety of other ways you can contribute your story:

• personal essay
• painting
• line drawing
• photograph
• song
• poem

As long as it’s true and it tells the story of your education about your body and how it relates to other itself and other people’s bodies, I hope you’ll submit it.

I may publish some of what I receive on this blog, but these stories will primarily be made into a book.

Please pass on this request to anyone you feel might be interested in engaging with the topic.

This afternoon a mother asked me this question:

“When do I teach my 13-year-old son about birth control?”

Regrettably, the answer is much more complicated than the question. Because really, it depends. And on pressing her, it was clear that the boy knows how babies are made, and probably knows that there are ways preventing pregnancy. He also knows that you can catch diseases from sexual intercourse, and so probably knows that there are ways of preventing that too.

So this mother’s question wasn’t so much about when to tell her son about birth control, it was about when she should start providing higher levels of knowledge - like how to use a condom and where to get them.

And when a teenager needs to know these things is just a very individual situation. But here’s what I said she should tell her son sometime before he starts high school in the fall:

“There are lots of ways of experiencing your love for someone sexually besides sexual intercourse. These other ways do not include a risk of pregnancy and they generally have reduced risk of STD transmission. Right now, you should probably stick to those. At some point you’ll decide you are ready to experience intercourse with your partner. At that point I expect you to come and ask me for condoms, which I will happily provide for you. If you prefer, you are welcome to leave me a note asking for them rather than asking me in person.”

Sex ed by text message. Of course it happened first in San Francisco, where they’re serious about getting sex education messages out, in any medium possible.

The moral of this story is: Want to talk to your teenager? Do it in the medium she or he uses most. For many teenagers that’s text message.

But maybe it’s not text message. Maybe it’s the cell phone, or Internet-based chat, or e-mail.

Or maybe the medium isn’t as important to your teenager as the primary content of the conversation. In that case, talk about whatever interests your teenager - movies, video games, books, horses, football, anime, whatever!

The point is that in order to reach and effectively interact with your teen on any subject, you have to do it on his or her turf. Trust me.

Yesterday’s big news was the new Guttmacher Institute study that suggests teenagers are not using oral sex as a way to stay “technically still a virgin.” Rather, it says that teenagers who are engaging in oral sex are by-and-large also engaging in vaginal intercourse.

I must admit - I am rather surprised by this finding.  But I am, if nothing else, swayed and enraptured by good research.  Here’s what the Guttmacher Institute has to say about the numbers:

“Some teens may first experience oral sex immediately prior to vaginal intercourse, while others may initiate vaginal intercourse shortly before having oral sex. While only one in four teen virgins (26%) have engaged in oral sex, once teens have had vaginal intercourse, the proportion increases incrementally. By six months after first vaginal sex, more than four out of five adolescents (81%) have also engaged in oral sex, and by three years after first intercourse, nine in 10 (92%) have done so”

And here are the results that the Guttmacher Instutite draws from this data:

 “There is a widespread belief that teens engage in nonvaginal forms of sex, especially oral sex, as a way to be sexually active while still claiming that technically, they are virgins,” says study author Laura Lindberg. “However, our research shows that this supposed substitution of oral sex for vaginal sex is largely a myth. There is no good evidence that teens who have not had intercourse engage in oral sex with a series of partners.”

But I’m not so sure that I agree with Dr. Lindberg’s conclusions.  Please note that I have not read the actual research paper or analyzed the data myself!  But based on what I have read, here are my problems with her conclusions:

1. I was not able to find anywhere in the information on the study data-gathering about what the teenagers were claiming about their reasons behind their sexual decisions.  We can, with relative clarity given the breadth of this survey, know what the teenagers are doing, but we can’t know why.  So I think it’s jumping the gun to say that teenagers are not claiming to be virgins when they have had oral but not anal sex.  There is other research that does go into a bit more detail of teenagers’ understandings of the meanings of these various activities that suggests differently.
2. What about the 12 to 14 year olds?  I’m unclear on whether this study asked the 15-to-19 year old participants to think back on their sexual experience time-line (which is, of course, problematic in it’s own right) or asked about their current sexual activities over time (much better, in terms of creating quality research but presents it’s own problems in terms of funding).  But I’m concerned that younger teenagers were left out of the equation - it seems to me that many of these younger teens may be the ones who are claiming that one can have oral sex and still be a virgin.
3. What does it mean when you say “1 in 4 teen virgins”?  Did they ask “Are you a virgin?”  And then follow that up with questions about actual sexual activities?  The term virgin just needs to be tossed.  It confuses conversation - as it did the Guttmacher Institute’s press release.  So I hope for more linguistic clarity in Dr. Lindberg’s final paper.
4. The other point that is not fully addressed here is the sexual progression that teenagers go through.  Perhaps it’s common for a teenage couple to get comfortable with oral sex (in order to maintain virginity) and then quickly move on to vaginal intercourse.  In other words, perhaps oral sex is a “gateway sexual activity” to vaginal intercourse.  That’s not really addressed here at all.
5. Okay, one more point and then I’m (hopefully!) done.  I take great offense at Dr. Lindberg’s sentence: “There is no good evidence that teens who have not had intercourse engage in oral sex with a series of partners.”  There is, in fact, no conversation at all until this point about a series of partners.  I am worried that this sentence belies Dr. Lindberg’s unconscious assumption that a teenager who is engaging in oral sex is something of a “slut” and more likely to engage a “series of partners.”

I am fully aware that one research project cannot answer all of these questions.  Gaining a really well-rounded and informed understanding of adolescents’ sexuality will take far more time and money.   Nevertheless, I was disappointed to see that the Guttmacher Institute, as a highly respected research facility, did not temper their statement of results with a nuanced approach to what kind and scope of information this data analysis is really able to provide us.

However, one of the results of the study that I am really, really delighted to see was: Teenagers are having anal sex. (The Guttmacher Institute suggests about 1 in 10 teenagers between the ages of 15 and 19 has had anal sex.) The sex-ed implications are very, very clear. Anal sex carries higher risk than either vaginal or oral sex because of increased likelihood of STD transmission and the physical problems that can be brought on by moving too quickly, not using enough lubrication, and other problems that might induce tearing and serious internal injury - all of which compound the STD transmission risk). So we have to talk with teenagers about anal sex. They or someone they know is probably trying it out, or has tried it out, and the likelihood is that they have never had any information presented to them about how to engage in anal sex safely.

I’ve been disappointed by much of what I’ve read about this study - it primarily just repeats what the Guttmacher press release said with little or no analysis.  But if you’re looking for additional commentary, here is a good place to start.

Planned Parenthood has a new education campaign for teenagers called Take Care Down There. At least one blog has questioned whether the site is cheesy - or more to the point whether it is too cheesy for teenagers. And yes, it’s highly cheesy. Here are two cheesy things I noticed about the site:

1. The lines are clean and the colors bright and the whole site is somewhat reminiscent of that penguin game the kiddies like so much.
2. The characters in the videos are wearing gender-color-coded t-shirts and are somewhat reminiscent of the Apple/PC Apple ads with their white backdrops and amusing banter.

In other words, Planned Parenthood has made this campaign fun rather that stressful. But I think that’s good. There are links to more in-depth, useful information. And through the videos, teenagers are getting exposed some good, basic information about safe sex. It’s not a sex-ed class, and it’s not comprehensive. But imitating a classroom environment is not how the Internet works, and teenagers know that.

Basically, I’m delighted that Planned Parenthood has gone out and gotten people who know what they’re doing on-line and in advertising to create a funny and engaging site to work as a portal to greater information. I think teenagers will be much more likely to visit this site and to recommend it to their friends than something like this one, and it will stick in their minds so they’ll know where to come back when they have pressing questions. Then they’ll be ready to make their way through Teenwire’s denser, more informative body of information.

So go take a look, and report back: What do you think of the Take Care Down There campaign?

This is a great book. The full title is actually: s.e.x.: the all-you-need-to-know progressive sexuality guide to get you through high school and college. That’s a pretty long title, but long book titles seem to be trendy these days. The title also sets up a pretty big goal for itself. Corinna goes most of the way towards meeting her goal. This is particularly notable because it’s hard for many adults to write for teenagers in a respectful, supportive, and on-task way.

The content of s.e.x. is informative and covers a pretty wide range of information relatively well. As a reader, you at least get an idea of whether you’re interested in finding out more and generally where you can go if you do want more. The book has much the same feel as Corinna’s extensive website, Scarleteen.com, which is currently celebrating it’s 10th anniversary.

The similarity between Scarleteen and s.e.x. actually underlines the only potential criticism that I have about either the book or the website: they aren’t terrible fun or engaging beyond the inherent nature of the subject matter. This is not necessarily a bad thing. There are plenty of teenagers out there who just want information, and they don’t necessarily need or want it packaged in a fun or candy-coated wrapper. On the other hand, there are plenty of teenagers who don’t have the attention span to research or delve into a relatively informative (i.e., potentially dry) book or extensive website to find the piece of information they need. Rather, these teenagers want to browse through YouTube or sexetc.org and look at all the funny and sexy videos and are fine if they learn something on the side. Neither Corinna’s book nor her website will appeal to this group of teenagers.

So while Corinna’s s.e.x. isn’t for everyone, it can fulfill a fabulous need for many teenagers. And it is a great resource for parents to keep on the shelf at all times in case the teenagers in your house suddenly have a burning question about a particular sex-related topic. Hopefully it will keep them from simply googling “female ejaculation” because there are plenty of results from that search you probably wouldn’t want them delving into.

Okay, so there’s a huge amount of nonsense flying around about this Vanity Fair picture of Miley Cyrus. And I agree, actually - it is a problematic picture. But really, come on, it’s not pornographic in any way. It’s not even really inappropriate for a 15 year old. The problem is not that the picture was taken, but rather that it should not have been published.  A 15 year old should not have sexual images printed in magazines or books or published on-line.

This is a really very similar argument to the basis for my post (and the following comments) on Jock Sturges’ images of nude teenage girls. It boils down to teenage girls not being fully prepared to deal with the repercussions of people looking at naked images of her (potentially both immediate and long-term). Miley Cyrus is currently dealing with the immediate, short-term repercussions of her image. Long-term repercussions might include the image being dug up in forty years when she’s running for Senate or trying to become a pastor of a church.

So the picture isn’t the problem, but rather where it was published.

I read an interesting post today about Miley’s choice, basically saying that it’s just fine for a 15 year old to be sexual and that it’s hypocritical and unhelpful to pretend that 15 year olds aren’t sexual. Basically, I agree with the author. 15 year olds are sexual beings, whether or not they’re famous. And no one should have to apologize for being sexual.

So there is a lot I want to write about today - The Education of Shelby Knox, which I saw last night and heard Shelby speak afterwards, the Miley Cyrus debacle, the Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASAs) who are working on the FLDS case, and the hearings on the effectiveness of abstinence-only-until-marriage “sex education” to name four of the top of my head. Regrettably, time is short and my children are sick. So I am going to restrain myself to raving about The Education of Shelby Knox. You’ll have to wait until tomorrow (or the next day, or the next) for the rest. But never fear, gentle readers, I will get to all these pressing topics soon!

The Education of Shelby Knox chronicles a high school student’s search for religious truth and meaning while working tirelessly towards the goal of comprehensive sex education for high school students in Lubbock, Texas. It’s a great movie, with a mixture of funny and emotional moments that’s hard to come by in a documentary. I highly recommend it as a great watch!

I do wonder, though, at the effect on Shelby of having her adolescent life spread rather copiously in the public view. This is somewhat different from the standard teenage starlet, because it’s an actual documentary of Shelby’s actual life over three years. Several blog posts ago, the conversation arose about what’s appropriate for teenagers to have put out there in this very information and media saturated world - naked pictures? a documentary about their life? - before their cognitive processes and judgement have developed to the point where the State deems them able to make full decisions (i.e., either 18 or 21, depending on your perspective).

Shelby herself appears to have flourished in the wake of the documentary, and is now working as a consultant across the country on supporting and expanding comprehensive sex education.

I am going to see a film today called The Education of Shelby Knox.  I’m looking forward to it - it looks like a great movie - but it’s particularly exciting because Shelby Knox herself will actually be there!  Here’s a short description from IMDB:

 A 15-year-old girl’s transformation from conservative Southern Baptist to liberal Christian and ardent feminist parallels her fight for sex education and gay rights in Lubbock, Texas.

If you’re local, and you’d like to join me at the screening at UT early this evening, it runs from 4 to 6 at the Union Theater, and both the entrance and the pizza will be free!  You can find out more particulars on the event’s Facebook page.  I’ll have a review for you tomorrow - but I’d rather see you there!