Adolescent Sexuality by Dr. Karen Rayne

Dating is a social trend that apparently started around 1920. That is, dating as defined by two young people going out to do something (often dancing or movies) together, alone. Several sources on the subject point to the accepted dating trend of “rating and dating” and “petting and paying.”

The first of these all-too-cute phrases, rating and dating, refers to competitive dating, or young men with more money and material goods were more able to date more, and more attractive young women. It seems to me that this had actually been going on for some time, but with marriage in mind. In the 1920’s it probably changed to a less-committed and younger crowd.

The second phrase, petting and paying, refers to young men who would pay the young women’s way on the date, and at the end of the date they would sit in the young man’s car and “pet.” Petting could include just about every sexual act short of sexual intercourse, although probably not as much oral sex as is seen in teenage crowds these days. But really anything that would not get a young girl pregnant was fair game.

Now, I’m not sure how your teenage dating lives went, but mine were pretty different than what is described here. Not, that is, the rating and dating system. That was firmly and uncontroversially in place. The primary difference was that I tended to pay my own way in order to avoid the feeling of obligation to make-out, or pet. Occasionally, on a particularly romantic evening, a young man who was a long-standing boyfriend would pay my way. But I was always slightly uncomfortable with that arrangement, I was somehow aware of this history of sexual obligation (perhaps my mother had connected those particular dots for me?) and sought to buck the trend.

So what are the dating trends that are affecting you or your son or daughter? What are the subtle obligations and expectations about sex and money that unfold during a date? How did you/are you handling them?

(The pictures at the top of the post are, of course, Mary Astor and John Barrymore, who dated from 1924 - 1925, with thanks to www.whosdatedwho.com.)

This post by Ethan Persoff is making it’s way around the blogs this week. It’s a scanned comic book from Planned Parenthood from the 1950’s-1960’s. Reading through it is pretty amazing - I highly recommend that you take a look for yourself.

The comic tells the story of a couple who have been married for 4 years and have 3 children (ages 3, 2, and 10 months!). They have tried several kinds of “birth control” and the wife is getting sick and unable to care well for her three children. She stops having sex with her husband because she’s so freaked by the idea of getting pregnant again. He is so worried that he is careless at work and sticks his hand into a machine. Luckily it’s just a scratch. However, the accident brings the husband to a doctor who asks why he was so careless and the husband opens ups about his wife’s fear of another pregnancy (the husband, it seems, is only worried about the withholding of sex, not more children). The doctor recommends birth control and a trip to Planned Parenthood. The wife is very nervous that birth control will stop the couple from having children in the future (she still wants more children?!?), but is put at ease by the female doctor at Planned Parenthood. She starts having sex again and six months later is happily having sex with her husband, but is happily not pregnant. She determines to tell her married and soon-to-be-married friends about the wonders of birth control and the ability to plan your family (while still satisfying your husband).

I find this to be a relatively hopeful piece from history. The amazing thing here is just how much mainstream attitudes about birth control have changed over the past 50 years. While it may be that abstinence-only education currently reigns supreme in schools, most teenagers and adults do have some knowledge of birth control - that it doesn’t permanently affect your ability to have children, that there’s a healthy option for everyone, and that it’s legitimate for married couples. Hopefully birth control will be as acceptable for non-married couples as well before another 50 years pass.

In that vein - keep sending your friends and family, both teens and adults, to the condom ads I’m posting. They just keep getting better!