Adolescent Sexuality by Dr. Karen Rayne

 (Written by guest blogger Wendy Harlowe.)

I said I would write about substance abuse and adolescent sexuality, but I am amending that. I think there are plenty of people who use alcohol and drugs without abusing them (experimentation lies in this realm), but I think my opinions still stand.

Instances of rape (including date rape) are much, much higher if the girl/woman has had anything to drink, or any kind of recreational drug. And I think this isn’t talked about enough (although I know Dr. Rayne has referred to this correlation in the past). When you’ve had even one drink, your inhibitions lower and your natural caution goes by the wayside.

Please, consider, on a first date or any situation where you are around people you don’t know well, don’t trust well, please just don’t drink or drug! Its a good enough reason not to. The benefits of the recreation just don’t measure up to the serious safety issues.

I remember when I was young, my junior high actually showed “Reefer Madness” as an anti-drug message in our 7th grade science class. It was hilarious! And one of the things that’s important to include when talking to young people about the dangers of drugs and alcohol is that it feels good! That’s why people do it, and that’s why people can get addicted. Same thing with sex. When adults want to create “danger” messages, if they don’t include the fact that it all feels good, if they are only trying to scare youngsters into abstaining, kids can feel lied to. The message rings false. I don’t want to do that.

When experimenting as a child, teen, and/or young adult, just keep these safety factors in mind, and see if you can make the decision to only drink and/or drug if you are in very safe surroundings with very safe people. If you are ever having blackouts (periods of time when you are drinking where you can’t remember what you were doing), then realize that is a prime indicator of potential alcoholism. If you have blackouts, its really best that you not drink at all.

I don’t want to come across as a prohibitionist. Although I don’t drink at all any more, and I don’t take recreational drugs anymore, I have come to realize that some people can do these things in moderation. Even some binge drinking doesn’t mean certain alcoholism. (I’m in somewhat of a minority in the AA crowd these days.)

But I also know the pain of rape, and the pain of guilt. I absolutely don’t mean to blame a victim if she was impaired by alcohol, and was then raped. The rape doesn’t come as a result of the alcohol; the blame belongs with the rapist. But, especially in cases of date rape, the lines get so fuzzy and prosecution is practically impossible. I really want women to take care of themselves, and avoid sexual assault, and refraining from the use of drugs and alcohol is a very good preventative measure.

What do you think?

(Written by guest blogger Wendy Harlowe.) 

First, again, please feel free to e-mail me privately at wendyharlowe@gmail.com if you don’t want to post comments here. I look forward to hearing from you. I’ve been gratified by the response to my first post, including comments and private e-mail correspondence. (Over the years I’ve worried about being too “in your face” with sexual issues, felt judged for having a lack of boundaries … part of what I think is important is for other survivors to know they can go on to have “normal” healthy sex lives, which I didn’t think possible for many years.)

Regards biology, know that I am not an academician on this topic (or any other topic, for that matter), but as the years go by I’ve thought about it more and more. There are two academic fields that cover this topic: sociobiology and evolutionary psychology. My interest is in human sexual behavior that can be explained through biology and evolution (the belief that animals act in ways to maximize the spread of their genes). And my thoughts are somewhat disjointed and inarticulated. I’ve never had an outlet for real discussion on this topic, and am very interested in your thoughts.

Some facts are obvious: the bodies of girls/women are best ready to have children in their mid-teens through their 20s. Our American/western culture has evolved to discourage childbearing until at least the age of 18/19, and encourages waiting longer than that. Women’s entry into the commercial workforce is hampered by childbearing and childrearing. This childbearing capacity is one of the factors for the disparity between the financial income of men and women.

Although sweeping generalities can always cause problems, the testosterone factor means that men are more hardwired for sex with multiple partners, and women are more hardwired to need protection (of course, I’m running into trouble right here, because the social structures have so much to do with this … if the village truly raised children, women wouldn’t need the individual protector that comes with monogamy).

Men are hardwired to be attracted to young women because they are more capable of healthy reproduction. There is no limit to the number of children one man can sire, but women are limited, physically. Men want monogamy because its the only way to ensure their progeny. Women have accepted monogamy because of the “protector” benefits it delivers. (I don’t believe that most people operate in this way because of conscious belief … I think the marriage/monogamy factor was consciously developed many, many years ago to ensure men’s lineage, linked with the development of Christianity and political power … I think today many people live very happily in monogamous marriages; I don’t think its wrong, I just don’t think its necessary for happiness and moral/ethical living.)

I do believe our human species is evolving. One hundred and fifty years ago, it was completely acceptable to own another human being. Slavery still exists today, but it is illegal and universally condemned. Although women still don’t have basic human freedoms in many parts of the world, human rights campaigns are seen as necessary, even while there is such a huge amount of work for them to do. (another digression … many people believe that pre-Christian nature religions created a far better world, less war, no patriarchy … I think that might be true in some times and in some places … I don’t think it is a given, but my jury is still out on that topic)

Because of this evolution, I do believe our species might be able to progress to the point of acting “above and beyond” those hard-wired biological “needs,” and there is a lot of evidence to signify this: women’s increased sexual assertiveness; faithful and monogamous men who stay with their partners far beyond said partner’s reproductive years; the trend among educated, more affluent couples to have fewer children … also the fact that the nerd/geek population is now more sexually attractive to women, rather than simply excellent physical specimens of the male gender, because success in our world is oftentimes so much more mental than physical.

But here’s what has gotten me thinking about more in recent years: I’ve played a small part in the child protective system, and seen what is so easy to judge … people having children with no thought to their ability to raise them … again and again … having children taken from them by the courts, and continuing on to bear more children. There is a horror to this, and yet … at some basic, instinctual level, we humans are breeders … and accepting that fact in some ways makes it easier to see, makes it more understandable, even if not forgivable. (well, I doubt in the big picture that there is anything unforgiveable, but I digress far too often in this meandering post …)

I suppose, also, that one’s spiritual / religious beliefs come into play here. Although I see Darwinism in human sexual behavior, I also believe in a Divine Spirit, a unifying oneness to us all. Wierdly, I fall into the intelligent design faction, although I certainly don’t want to be lumped in with those who oppose teaching evolution in the schools. Its just all interesting to me … could be seen as so anti-feminist, but over the years this instinctual male and female behavior does make sense at the instinctual level. I think as I have learned more about Buddhism, also, it becomes easier to observe and not be so emotionally attached to judgment.

What do you think? It’s clear to me that I’m not clear in my thinking, but I have been inspired by Chris Smithers’ ditty (” The whole thing works like clockwork over time”):

Origin of Species, by Chris Smithers (you can find him singing this on YouTube, wonderful melody)

Eve told Adam, snakes! I’ve had ‘em!
Let’s get outta here
We’ll raise our family someplace outta town
They left the garden just in time
With the landlord cussin’, right behind
They headed East and finally settled down
One thing led to another …
A bunch of sons, one killed his brother
They kicked him out with nothin’ but his clothes
But the human race survives
‘Cause the brothers all found wives
Where they came from ain’t nobody knows

Then came the Flood, go figure,
Just like New Orleans, only bigger
No one who couldn’t swim would make it through
The lucky ones were on a boat,
Think circus, then make it float
And hope nobody pulls the plug on you
How they fed that crowd is a mystery
It ain’t down in the history
It’s a cinch they didn’t live on cakes and jam
But lions don’t eat cabbage,
And in spite of that old adage
I’ve never seen one lie down with a lamb.

Charlie Darwin looked so far
Into the way things are
He caught aglimpse of God’s unfolding plan
God said “I’ll make some DNA,
They’ll use it any way they want
From paramecium right up to man
They’ll have sex, and mix up sections
Of their code; they’ll have mutations
The whole thing works like clockwork over time
I’ll just sit back in the shade
While everyone gets laid
That’s what I call intelligent design.”

Yes, you and your cat named Felix
Are both wrapped up in that double helix
It’s what we call intelligent design.

*********

But, let me make clear, I don’t believe in Adam and Eve! The whole snake bit in the bible is a thinly-veiled attack on women and feminine spirituality … the asp/snake was a sacred animal and image in the Goddess-worshiping cultures of pre-Christianity. But, I do enjoy the song. Gawd sitting back in the shade, while everyone gets laid. Who can doubt that?!?

I am delighted to be attending SXSW Interactive starting tomorrow, Friday March 7th here in Austin. I intend to fully submerge myself in the rocketing pace of conversation, presentations, panels, and swag that is SXSW Interactive!

Among the really interesting events I will be taking part are the following:

• What Teens Want Online and On Their Phones
• Sexual Ethics, Interactivity, and Virtual Worlds,
• What Teens Want - In a Game
• Are You Smarter Than A Wired Teen?
• Some Serious Fun: Interactive Media for Children

I plan on returning (psychically, of course, since I won’t actually be leaving Austin for this one…) with lots of fabulous information and ideas I can bring to you here on my blog and in person through my classes and individual consulting.

So, in the meantime between now and Wednesday morning when I will re-emerge, I have a guest blogger to keep you busy and thinking. This particular guest blogger is different from my past guests, in both her personal experiences and perspectives. While I do not always see eye-to-eye with her about issues of sex, sexuality, or sex education, I do think it is important to listen and work to understand others’ perspectives on these issues. I hope you will find her stories engaging and her questions thought-provoking. I will be checking-in from time to time, and as always, please feel free to e-mail me with thoughts and questions.

(Written by guest blogger JustAnotherTeen.)
My guest blog for this month will be about 4parents.gov. I found this website through a commercial (they are all on their site) and I must say, it kind of disturbed me. On the about us page, they said this:

“4Parents.gov is part of a national public education campaign to provide parents with the information, tools and skills they need to help their teens make healthy choices, including waiting until marriage to have sex. Nothing is more important for a child, pre-teen, or teen than a caring parent. If pre-teens and teens are going to make the choices that will help them grow up to be healthy adults, they need parents to talk with them about important topics like sex and relationships. 4parents.gov is meant to give parents the information and guidance they need for having these conversations”

To me, it makes no sense. I mean, I realize it is just a further extension of the current administrations abstinence-only sex education, but seeing it so blatantly in print makes it worse. So making the choice to have sex before marriage, according to this website, is unhealthy. And apparently you won’t grow up to become a healthy adult if you don’t wait until marriage either! Don’t get me wrong, I agree with the fact that it is important to have a caring parent, but to say it is only healthy to wait for sex seems a bit over dramatic and damaging even.

“Do you know that 53% of high school students have not had sexual intercourse?”

By their own admission, almost half of high school students have had sex. I know they meant for this to bolster their case, but in my eyes it weakens is. By saying that almost half have sex, and yet also saying that there is no need for anything but abstinence only sex ed, they seem to contradict each other. I mean, is failing to tell teens the ways to protect themselves as much as possible not the same as condoning the transmission of STDs and unwanted pregnancies? Because in my eyes failing to tell teenager about contraceptives is like saying “I hope you get chlamydia if you have sex before marriage!”

“Do you know that, according to one survey, two-thirds of teens who have had sexual intercourse wish they had waited?”

According to one survey? One? With all the government funding going into this project, they could only find one survey that supported the numbers they wanted to use, huh? I’m sure with enough funding and time I could get a similar number of respondents to say that the moon is made out of cheese!

As many parts of the site as I hate, there are some good parts to. In the “What if my son or daughter tells me he or she is gay?” page, it has this good advice:

“If you believe your teenager may be gay, or is experiencing difficulties with gender identity or sexual orientation, consider the following points:

• All children, pre-teens, and teens need to feel accepted and loved. Remember, your son or daughter is probably very scared about having this conversation with you. Accepting your son or daughter can help lead to strong, life-affirming relationships in the future.
• Some teens who question their sexual orientation are at increased risk for depression, attempted suicide, or other problems
• Some parents need help in understanding and communicating with their son or daughter. You have made a great step in this direction already by visiting this website.
• Counselors and other health professionals may be helpful for both teens and parents when addressing difficult issues.”

Please look over this site and tell me what you think in the comments section! And, as always, feel free to email me at justanotherteen@gmail.com !

(Written by guest blogger JustAnotherTeen.) 

Hello again!

Karen has graciously asked if I will write about once a month here, so this is my first regularly scheduled post. I will likely post on the first Monday of every month unless I have something that I urgently want to write about. If anyone has any questions or ideas for more blog posts, please email me at justanotherteen@gmail.com. But on to the post at hand!

Coming from an ultra-conservative family (for more click on the Guest Blogger category), I was not exposed to gay people until I started attending my current school. One of my earliest memories about homosexuality was when I was in third or fourth grade. My parents were talking to another person after church and he said something about lesbians. I, being the inquisitive child, asked what lesbians were. My parents seemed embarrassed and said we would talk about it at home. At home, they probably only explained by saying God didn’t like it when people were lesbians, I don’t remember exactly.

After this experience, I don’t remember any close encounters of the homosexual kind until I was in high school. I was home schooled for two years and worked cutting grass with some people from church. One of these men was a “former” homosexual who used to work at Disney World. (My parents believe that Disney World is the most evil place on earth, not the most magical.) I never even thought about this man’s homosexuality at the time, and contrary to what conservative churches sometimes imply, he did not sexually abuse me.

My next experience was when things really started to change. When I came to my school, I thought it was horrible that they would let an openly gay guy have a leadership position. While I did not believe I was homophobic, I still mostly held my parents’ belief that gay people were bad. However, due to the atmosphere of my school, I got to know more than one person who was gay, and realized that it really doesn’t matter. I realized that not liking gay people is just another form of discrimination, and is just as bad as racism. I realized that gay people are just people, and that they have real emotions and are still terribly mistreated sometimes.

Then later in the year, one of my closest guy friends was practically forced out of the closet in the worst way. A “friend” of my friend and his secret boyfriend eavesdropped and told practically the whole school that they were dating, despite the fact that my friend was not out of the closet. I did not know he was bi at the time, and regardless I wanted to beat some people up for spreading these rumors, false or true. (And I must say that the idea of my puny self beating someone up is highly unlikely!) My friend told me he was bi, and this shocked me a little, mostly because he and I were such close friends. I didn’t care, it just came as a surprise. That event blew over and my own sexuality started to emerge. I knew I had fantasies about men, but I also liked women. This didn’t completely confuse me as I already had a bisexual friend.

I had my first sexual experience, before my girlfriend, with another boy. We started off cuddling and progressed further in what can only be considered an experimental one-night-stand. After this, I was worried about my own sexuality being revealed the same way my friend’s was. I did NOT want it to come out that way, so I posted about it on my blog. Even though I am at a very accepting school, coming out was still very hard for me to do. It meant going against my parents and hoping that there would not be backlash from my friends. Thankfully, my friends and the other people at my school could care less. Coming out was a painless experience for me.

But I know this is not the case for a lot of teenagers. Lots of gay or bi teenagers either want to come out, but can’t, or want to stay in the closet. I had a very easy situation, and honestly cannot imagine the angst some people have had to go through about their sexuality.

Why in our modern society do teenagers and even adults feel they have to hide their sexuality?
Why do people not all accept everyone for who they are, not what they want them to be?

Why do people think it’s OK to be homophobic or just plain not like homosexuals when it is not OK to be racist?

Why are gays and lesbians not given the same rights as everyone else?

(Written by guest blogger JustAnotherTeen.) 

“You seem very open, honest, and liberal, but you depict your parents as fairly rigid and conservative. How much do you think your parents impacted who you are and how did they do that? I like the person you present yourself as and I sense that you like yourself as well. Do your parents like you as you are or do you hide most of what you have shared with us?”

As I mentioned in the response above, I think some of my attitude and outlook on life are simply the opposite of my parents because I saw them every single day and I wanted to be different. For instance, my parents are often late everywhere they go, so therefore I have a tendency to be early for everything. I think my parents impacted me a lot in some ways, mostly because I consciously tried to be different than they are. My parents know somewhat that I am do not hold their values, but not the scale of which I disavow their narrow-minded ideas. For instance, they do not know that I am bi-sexual. They do not fully realize that I have had sex. I did not even tell them I was dating someone for half a year.

“What do you think are the basic criteria for people (teens) to have and be competent at in order to be able to make a healthy decision to be fully sexual? When do you think teens are harmed by sex too early or with the wrong people? Have you seen much of the problems that can be created by inappropriately early sexuality or do you think there is such a thing as inappropriately early sexuality?”

I think that the age of sexual maturity (being able to make the decision to have sex for the right reasons, not just peer pressure or such) depends greatly on the individual person, the way they were raised, and their partner. I think both partners need to understand that although sex feels good on a physical and emotional level, there can be serious consequences no matter what form or forms of protection are used. They need to understand different forms of contraception and be comfortable with each other and themselves. It should not be a spur of the moment thing in my opinion, but something that is discussed with maturity. That said, I doubt very seriously that any teenage couples are really that prepared, myself and my girlfriend included! I think teens can easily be harmed by sex with the wrong person, especially if there is a large age gap or something else that gives one partner authority. That is not to say that a 15 year old and a 17 year old should not be having sex, again it comes back to the individual relationship. As for problems with early sexuality, I think they are often the same for sex at any age: unwanted pregnancy and STIs, etc. Also, I believe younger people in general have a higher risk of being emotionally scarred but when I think about it, and I have no experience with this, it seems like older people (i.e. Over 20) can be scarred as well from bad relationships, sexual or otherwise.

“Your girlfriend’s mom seems to have ‘come around’ and is coping adequately with your relationship. Do you think there is a down side to this arrangement? What would be the parameters you would want to set up today if you were the parent of a teenager yourself?”

If there is a downside, it would be that she sometimes seems overbearing about making sure we have birth control. I am fully capable of getting my own protection so it just gets annoying when she keeps asking if we need condoms, although I think she has realized in the past few months that I am capable of getting my own and has stopped asking. If I were a parent, I would want to be open about all matters of sexuality but also I would understand if they did not tell me when they started having sex or something like that. I would like to know their partners but also understand that this may not always happen. I think a parent of a teenager should be more of an advisor than a dictator, there at all times to talk but not to rule. However, as I get older my views may change but I hope to be a good father (of adopted children) one day.

Again, I really appreciate everyone who sent in questions, I really had to think about my answers! I enjoyed blogging here for the past two weeks and would like to do it sometime in the future if I or someone else can come up with ideas for new posts! Thanks to Karen for allowing me this opportunity, and if anyone still has questions, that e-mail address is still usable!

(Written by guest blogger JustAnotherTeen.) 

Although this post was originally supposed to be for Friday, I got so many good questions on Wednesday that I did not feel they would all fit in one post. That said, I am still open to more questions for the rest of today or until about 10 PM Eastern time. If you have questions, email me at justanotherteen@gmail.com.

I did not particularly ask people if they were OK with the use of their name with their question, so I will use caution and assume they wish to remain anonymous.

“I’m interested in your experience, and how you learned about masturbation … whether through self-exploration, or by being taught, either by another person, or from literature / porn.”

I have already said a brief amount about my masturbation experience, but not much, so I will go into more detail here. I started masturbating by rubbing on an old fleece jacket. I didn’t know what I was doing honestly, as I said I was extremely sheltered. Until I found jackinworld.com, I did not know what I was doing or how to “properly” do it, probably because I am circumcised and did not even think about lube. In my experience, I didn’t hear anything about it from others so I had no clue. Although many guys apparently share their knowledge of this pleasurable activity, I suppose I just did not have enough family members or friends close enough in age.

“Do you have any friends who are abstinent despite pressure to be otherwise? If so, why do you think they made that choice?”

As much as I should, I have not really talked to my friends about this matter. I am pretty sure many of them have never had sex but I do not know whether that is because of lack of opportunity or their own desire to abstain. Sorry I don’t have more information on this subject!

“Do you think that being in an all-male residential high school has had an impact on how you learned to relate with girls? Do you think it has been useful, or a hindrance?”

I’m sorry if I gave the impression that I live in an all-male school. In fact my school is open to both girls and guys, in separate monitored dorms. If I were in a single sex school, I would definitely think that would alter my ability to talk to girls. However, having lived the life that I have so far, I often have more female friends than male friends. I am by no means a player or anything, I simply have a strong feminine side in many ways and therefore relate better with females. That is actually one of the reasons I have such a strong relationship with my girlfriend. I am feminine in many of the same ways she is masculine and vice versa.

“So with uncommunicative parents and a rotten teacher at school, where did you get good information and a healthy attitude? What would you recommend to other teenagers in similar position.”

Looking back, it is really hard to tell where my attitude came from. I suppose it was partially because I wanted to be the opposite of my parents but more so because of the actions of my brothers, the Internet, and my life in a residential school. While my school itself is still rather conservative, living in a less supervised setting than at home as well as living with 300 other teenagers can lead to a large melting pot of ideas and values. The Internet also helped me learn about sex and masturbation before I arrived at school and likely laid the foundation for my current attitude. As for what I would recommend to other teenagers, remember to keep an open mind. Although the internet had laid the groundwork, I remember being shocked upon arrival at my school that they allowed an openly gay guy to be in a leadership position. My how my attitude has changed! I am now a member of our gay-straight alliance and I am wearing a new rainbow belt as I type this!

I apologize if this post does not seem as well put together as some others, but I only had about an hour to write this as opposed to more than a week for the rest! Thanks to everyone for the questions and comments/compliments. I have really enjoyed blogging here and love having an instant audience without having to build it myself!

(Written by guest blogger JustAnotherTeen.) 

As many great teachers as my school may have, there is one that I absolutely cannot stand. I was supposed to take Health Education in my sophomore year and I really wish I had. Unfortunately it would not fit in my schedule till my junior year. The coach that left at the end of my sophomore was a relative legend with the students. Despite being 70 years old, he had great relationships with students and was a very good coach. His version of teaching sex education as part of his class, according to other students, included having a table full of different contraceptive options on display and he would teach about all of them. Purportedly he sprayed spermicide all over the room on accident one day, and this was a room with carpet! Our next coach was not so open. In fact, he was quite the opposite. When it came time for reproductive health, it was clear that he was not at all comfortable with the subject despite having taught the material before at another school. He misspelled and butchered no less than five anatomical words, created a new hormone called proestrogen (progesterone), thought cervix was spelled cervex, and thought boys had a vas difernes (vas deferens), just to name a few. In addition to not being able to even say or spell the terms correctly, he refused to teach anything about contraceptives, saying that state law didn’t allow him to even give statistics. This didn’t sit well with me and I looked it up and printed an article that actually said the state requires contraceptive statistics to be taught. He blew this off in our class but I noticed he had made a poster with statistics on it for the next term of classes. Although I personally know enough about contraceptives to not be too worried about his refusal to teach us, I do worry for the others in the class that may have needed to know this information. As much as I think schools should be responsible for educating young teens about contraceptives, we know that some will not and totally ignore the fact. Even if you are not comfortable with the subject, I suggest finding some good information online and printing it for your son or daughter. It may be awkward, but it is far less so that finding out you are going to be a grandparent in a few months!

(Written by guest blogger JustAnotherTeen.) 

My father is a minister and has been since he was 17. I will not name the denomination but it is obviously a Christian one and saying my parents are conservative is like saying the galaxy is big. Therefore, you can probably guess about the extent of sex ed I got from my parents: not much. My family could never openly talk about sex. Ever.

My older brothers are 5 and 7 years older than me so they were almost out of the house before I was a teen, but I did realize they had sex before marriage, in fact my oldest brother has three children from two different mothers, but that is a side story. My parents decided it would be a good idea to use the “True Love Waits” program with my brothers. I am not sure if anyone else remembers it or is familiar with it, but basically it is a card that teens sign that is basically a “contract between them and God.” They then took my brothers out to a really expensive dinner when they turned 16 and gave them a TLW ring. This was their visual sign that they were set apart, blah blah, blah. Well, as I have already told you, they both broke these vows within two years.

As for my personal experiences with talking about sex and my parents, they were fairly non-existent. Their idea of a puberty talk was giving me a book. I was to young at that point to care so I chunked it in my closet. A year or two later I found it and read it all in one night because I was intensely curious about those matters finally. I had started masturbating but thought I was the only one on the planet who did such a thing. The book said nothing about it and I did not even know the term for it until I stumbled across a website called jackinworld.com. It let me know that what I was doing was perfectly normal and gave me tips to help along with a plethora of other articles. Unfortunately my parents found out I had been surfing on this website and put very strict parental filters on the computer. They had a talk with me about masturbation and said it was OK but they didn’t agree with a lot of stuff on that website. They didn’t offer to get me tissues or lotion or anything of the sort, they just said it was OK as long as my “mind was clean while doing it.”

After this incident, it was awhile before the subject of sex came up again. I was a bit of a late bloomer as I have previously discussed and did not get my first girlfriend until I was 17. Since I lived at school and with my brother a good bit of the year, and because I didn’t want to be lectured about the virtues of waiting for marriage, I neglected to tell my parents I had a girlfriend for 7 months. They still do not realize how serious we are and that we have been having sex for over a year and a half now. I find it sad that I cannot openly talk to my parents about things of this sort. If I did, there would be lots of crying and screaming involved. I already do not live with them so they cannot kick me out, but I imagine they may try if I was.

Please try to have a more open and accepting relationship with your children. Regardless of whether or not you agree with their decisions, they are not yours to make and your teenager will generally listen more if you don’t shove your morals down their throat.

P.S. I have only gotten one question for my post on Friday. I would really like to respond to more than one question with an entire post! If you have anything to ask about teen sexuality e-mail me at justanotherteen@gmail.com.

Thanks!

(Written by guest blogger JustAnotherTeen.) 

My girlfriend and I had been having sex for at least three months when finally we got caught. I was just about to go take a nice warm bath after we were done but we cuddled for a bit too long and her mom came in before she was dressed. This is where things broke down. She asked her why I was seeing her naked. Then she just started yelling, threatening to take her out of our school, threatening to do lots of things for no reason. Talking about how she couldn’t trust us anymore. Although it took awhile she eventually calmed down. Although she was not happy with it, she eventually realized that there was no way to really stop us and practically gave us her blessing. Why she had to yell and throw a fit in the first place is something I may never understand. Now she gives us space and privacy when we are together (which is not as often as I would like as she is at college four hours away). We are now allowed to sleep in the same bed at night and generally do whatever we wish to do as long as we are not to loud. I really appreciate how open her mom has become now and I think all parents should be that way. I do wish more parents would stop and think about their reaction if they catch their son or daughter. Yelling at us only put up a wall between us and her mom, and if anything would have made us more determined to get away with it without her permission had she persisted. Had she stopped to think instead of jumping all over us, we could have talked about it like rational adults.

Also remember that next Friday I will be answering any questions you have about teenagers and sex. So please e-mail me your questions! justanotherteen@gmail.com