Comments on: Who should do the sex education? http://karenrayne.com/2009/04/02/who-should-do-the-sex-education/ Mon, 21 May 2012 18:47:43 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7.1 hourly 1 By: Educational psychology and sex ed | Adolescent Sexuality by Dr. Karen Rayne http://karenrayne.com/2009/04/02/who-should-do-the-sex-education/comment-page-1/#comment-4458 Educational psychology and sex ed | Adolescent Sexuality by Dr. Karen Rayne Tue, 07 Apr 2009 14:28:04 +0000 http://karenrayne.com/?p=568#comment-4458 [...] of the parents in one of my middle school sex ed classes recently commented on a post from last week.  The parent points out that one of my students left class with a mis-informed understanding of [...] [...] of the parents in one of my middle school sex ed classes recently commented on a post from last week.  The parent points out that one of my students left class with a mis-informed understanding of [...]

]]> By: karenrayne http://karenrayne.com/2009/04/02/who-should-do-the-sex-education/comment-page-1/#comment-4452 karenrayne Mon, 06 Apr 2009 22:52:24 +0000 http://karenrayne.com/?p=568#comment-4452 Sigh. Thank you for letting me know that not everyone took away the information about HIV correctly. Several students came into the class with what you described as their understanding (you get a little bit sick, which is HIV, and then you die, which is AIDS). We tried to correct their misconception, but it looks like we either weren't clear enough with the students who had the misconception, or other students heard their description without hearing our correction. We will be sure and go over this again next time! Educational psychology - how people learn - is such a fascinating interplay of ideas and forces. Your comment, ParentX, has me thinking about how this applies to sex education. I'll probably be writing a full post about it in the next several days or so. Sigh. Thank you for letting me know that not everyone took away the information about HIV correctly. Several students came into the class with what you described as their understanding (you get a little bit sick, which is HIV, and then you die, which is AIDS). We tried to correct their misconception, but it looks like we either weren’t clear enough with the students who had the misconception, or other students heard their description without hearing our correction. We will be sure and go over this again next time!

Educational psychology - how people learn - is such a fascinating interplay of ideas and forces. Your comment, ParentX, has me thinking about how this applies to sex education. I’ll probably be writing a full post about it in the next several days or so.

]]> By: ParentX http://karenrayne.com/2009/04/02/who-should-do-the-sex-education/comment-page-1/#comment-4451 ParentX Mon, 06 Apr 2009 22:27:52 +0000 http://karenrayne.com/?p=568#comment-4451 We gave our child a great book about sex around age six when the younger sibling was on the way. (I wish I could remember the name) And, we have had regular talks over the years because it is not something a child learns once and is done. Their ideas and levels of comprehension change as they grow older. We felt that our middle schooler was at a point where more expertise and non-parental delivery was needed. So, we decided Karen’s class was a good thing, but we are not washing our hands of our continuing responsibility as parents. Last night my 13 year old showed me the STD grid they made in Karen's class. Down the first column was the list of diseases, the next column was symptoms, etc. My child had a slightly askew idea of HIV thinking it was as simple as having flu-like symptoms for a year or two and then dying. So, we had a talk about what HIV really does to the body, medications, treatments, life expectancy, etc. Just because my child is taking Karen’s class does not mean that all of the information will be accurately stored or understood. That is where I as a parent get to help out. Our conversation went on as I asked, “Do you understand why we want you to take this class?” Just because we gave our reasons loud and clear multiple times already doesn’t me it was accurately stored or understood. I explained that my sexual education was essentially that sex outside of marriage was BAD. Not just ill-advised, problematic or unhealthy, but morally BAD. Furthermore, I was taught that sex kills and ruins your life and nice boys and girls don’t do it. I was very forthright that I felt my sex education had been more harmful than helpful. “Just say no,” as the comprehensive message on any subject doesn’t work! Nobody really explained that having sex before I was emotionally and mentally mature could have long lasting, harmful emotional and psychological effects on me or my sexual partner(s). Nobody explained that even if I wasn’t married to the other person there could be a beautiful, beneficial and healthy sexual experience for my partner and me. And, I told my child that that was what I really hoped was the take away from Karen’s class. I told my child that these decisions are ones that each of us makes entirely on our own. My child cannot make the best, most informed choices without the best and most comprehensive education. This seems true for any subject. Sex is a central part of all of our lives in some way or another, even if we are celibate. Yet, we seem so reluctant to fully and properly educate our children about it. I don’t know if I’ll ever get past the infection planted in me so young that sex is dirty and I shouldn’t be doing it. But, I am going to do my best to make sure that my children view sex as a wonderful, beautiful gift to be enjoyed deeply, responsibly and healthfully. Thanks to Karen for helping make that possible! We gave our child a great book about sex around age six when the younger sibling was on the way. (I wish I could remember the name) And, we have had regular talks over the years because it is not something a child learns once and is done. Their ideas and levels of comprehension change as they grow older. We felt that our middle schooler was at a point where more expertise and non-parental delivery was needed. So, we decided Karen’s class was a good thing, but we are not washing our hands of our continuing responsibility as parents.
Last night my 13 year old showed me the STD grid they made in Karen’s class. Down the first column was the list of diseases, the next column was symptoms, etc. My child had a slightly askew idea of HIV thinking it was as simple as having flu-like symptoms for a year or two and then dying. So, we had a talk about what HIV really does to the body, medications, treatments, life expectancy, etc. Just because my child is taking Karen’s class does not mean that all of the information will be accurately stored or understood. That is where I as a parent get to help out.
Our conversation went on as I asked, “Do you understand why we want you to take this class?” Just because we gave our reasons loud and clear multiple times already doesn’t me it was accurately stored or understood. I explained that my sexual education was essentially that sex outside of marriage was BAD. Not just ill-advised, problematic or unhealthy, but morally BAD. Furthermore, I was taught that sex kills and ruins your life and nice boys and girls don’t do it. I was very forthright that I felt my sex education had been more harmful than helpful. “Just say no,” as the comprehensive message on any subject doesn’t work!
Nobody really explained that having sex before I was emotionally and mentally mature could have long lasting, harmful emotional and psychological effects on me or my sexual partner(s). Nobody explained that even if I wasn’t married to the other person there could be a beautiful, beneficial and healthy sexual experience for my partner and me. And, I told my child that that was what I really hoped was the take away from Karen’s class. I told my child that these decisions are ones that each of us makes entirely on our own.
My child cannot make the best, most informed choices without the best and most comprehensive education. This seems true for any subject. Sex is a central part of all of our lives in some way or another, even if we are celibate. Yet, we seem so reluctant to fully and properly educate our children about it.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get past the infection planted in me so young that sex is dirty and I shouldn’t be doing it. But, I am going to do my best to make sure that my children view sex as a wonderful, beautiful gift to be enjoyed deeply, responsibly and healthfully. Thanks to Karen for helping make that possible!

]]> By: Robert http://karenrayne.com/2009/04/02/who-should-do-the-sex-education/comment-page-1/#comment-4444 Robert Fri, 03 Apr 2009 01:38:44 +0000 http://karenrayne.com/?p=568#comment-4444 I agree that parents, consciously not, teach their children about sex and sexuality, by their actions and words. My parents were not great talkers about sex. At some point they gave me a book, told me to read it and to let them know if I had any questions. That was the only conversation about sex we ever had. Fortunately, they realized this was not their strong point, and let me take a weekend long sex-ed class through our church. It was good, and helped a lot. But I still stole condoms from my roommate in college because I was too nervous to buy them (or did without, which looking back was massively stupid.) I agree that parents, consciously not, teach their children about sex and sexuality, by their actions and words.

My parents were not great talkers about sex. At some point they gave me a book, told me to read it and to let them know if I had any questions. That was the only conversation about sex we ever had.

Fortunately, they realized this was not their strong point, and let me take a weekend long sex-ed class through our church. It was good, and helped a lot. But I still stole condoms from my roommate in college because I was too nervous to buy them (or did without, which looking back was massively stupid.)

]]> By: Tyler http://karenrayne.com/2009/04/02/who-should-do-the-sex-education/comment-page-1/#comment-4440 Tyler Thu, 02 Apr 2009 18:15:31 +0000 http://karenrayne.com/?p=568#comment-4440 "Who should do the sex education? The parents." Yes. It seems absurd that you should even need to make such a statement. Of course the parents should provide sex education for their children. And whether or not they intend to, every parent *does* provide sex (and relationship) education to their child. After all, children learn what they live. If you want to raise a child who will find love in this world, then create a home where that child will feel unconditionally valued and appreciated for their unique gifts and abilities. “Who should do the sex education? The parents.”

Yes.

It seems absurd that you should even need to make such a statement. Of course the parents should provide sex education for their children. And whether or not they intend to, every parent *does* provide sex (and relationship) education to their child. After all, children learn what they live.

If you want to raise a child who will find love in this world, then create a home where that child will feel unconditionally valued and appreciated for their unique gifts and abilities.

]]> By: Roberto http://karenrayne.com/2009/04/02/who-should-do-the-sex-education/comment-page-1/#comment-4438 Roberto Thu, 02 Apr 2009 16:40:00 +0000 http://karenrayne.com/?p=568#comment-4438 Based on the number of married, college-educated couples I know who have had accidental pregnancies, I think children should get their sex education from their parents, the schools, and just about anywhere else until it sinks in. And in case anyone thinks I'm judging them unfairly, please allow me to give a few examples of accidental pregnancies: 1. "She was breastfeeding and hadn't gone back on the pill yet. But we just were spontaneous just the once..." Result: two kids less than one year apart in age. 2. "I don't like the pill, so we just use the timing method." Result: three unplanned pregnancies (so far). Slow learners, I think. Apparently they haven't heard of barrier methods (condoms, etc), either. Based on the number of married, college-educated couples I know who have had accidental pregnancies, I think children should get their sex education from their parents, the schools, and just about anywhere else until it sinks in.

And in case anyone thinks I’m judging them unfairly, please allow me to give a few examples of accidental pregnancies:
1. “She was breastfeeding and hadn’t gone back on the pill yet. But we just were spontaneous just the once…” Result: two kids less than one year apart in age.

2. “I don’t like the pill, so we just use the timing method.” Result: three unplanned pregnancies (so far). Slow learners, I think. Apparently they haven’t heard of barrier methods (condoms, etc), either.

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