One of the challenges that I’ve found when talking with teens is boredom on my part. At first, that might sound counter-intuitive, Karen. After all, our sexuality is so important to us that it might be hard to imagine someone could become bored with a discussion of it. But I’ve noticed time and again that when some teen starts talking about sex and relationships (as in “What do boys want?”, etc.) I’ve found it difficult to get enthusiastic about discussing the subject. I very much suspect that’s because of two things: First, I’ve been over the same subject so many times that I’ve lost my enthusiasm for it; and second, I’m not an expert on the subject so it kind of puts me on the defensive to be asked about it. I can’t count the number of times I’ve felt frustrated that I didn’t have a concise, insightful answer to some question I’ve been asked. Despite all that, I feel something of an obligation to the teens who ask me these questions. When they trust me enough to discuss their sexuality with me, I know I would feel bad putting them off. So, what to do?

You spend all day talking with teens about their sexuality. How do you stay enthusiastic? Do you ever worry you’re sending the message that you’d rather be elsewhere? And should I be concerned about sending that message anyway?

On a similar note about trust, I thought I had slipped the other day while answering a question from the box regarding performing oral sex on a male. I made the comment that I had to inquire with a close friend to find out the answer. One teen asked me if my friend was male or female and without thinking I answered that she is female. The same teen then said, “oh wow.” At first, I thought I shouldn’t be revealing that information. But then I thought, perhaps this sent a message that a plutonic friendship with someone of the opposite sex is not only possible, but very powerful if you are able to have conversations around sexual topics and not be shy, embarrassed, or feel judged with that person.