Comments on: On Trust (and what it means about innocence and knowledge)

By: Adolescent Sexuality by Dr. Karen Rayne » Knowing too much

Adolescent Sexuality by Dr. Karen Rayne » Knowing too much — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 12:45:19 +0000

[...] other day, my friend Jairy left this comment on my post On Trust: I was also a bit taken aback during our first class when I asked the group about what their [...]

By: Jairy

Jairy — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 23:43:28 +0000

Hi Karen. Thanks for posting this topic. I know in our OWL class that building trust is something that we are constantly working on. One of the first question we got in the question box was, “why do adults have to teach this class?”, as if we were going to analyze and judge each of them. We were very quick to inform them of the confidentiality agreement and how this was their outlet to ask whatever they wanted to without judgement. So far, I am proud to say that we have received many great questions that indicate that they trust us to answer them honestly and not let them leak outside the classroom.

I was also a bit taken aback during our first class when I asked the group about what their concerns were about the class. I posed the idea that maybe they would be embarrassed to not know something. One brave teen replied with just the opposite. That they might know something that maybe they shouldn’t. I guess I was a bit naive in this regard, assuming that they didn’t have as much information as they already did. That really helped me to gauge where they really are. I have been very proud of them in their willingness to volunteer their understanding and ask questions to help clarify their understanding.

By: karenrayne

karenrayne — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 15:52:04 +0000

Thanks, Alice! This is actually one of those I had tucked away in my drafts and forgot about for a couple of months. Glad I finally dug it out of the recesses.

Yes, I think teenagers are afraid that adults will in one way or another abandon them - either because the adults suddenly realize the teenager is adult enough to lead their own life or because the adults think the teenager is “bad” or “wrong” or “promiscuous” or whatever.

Becoming an adult is really hard in our society - there is little to no support or process that can lead either parents or teenagers through the process of letting go or stepping up to responsibility.

By: Alice

Alice — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 14:40:50 +0000

Karen, this is quite possibly the best post you have ever made. I remember so vividly trying to appear innocent to adults when I wasn’t, it’s interesting that teenagers are still doing this today even though our society is more open about sexual issues than it was even ten years ago.

Why don’t teenagers and adults trust each other, I wonder, and what can be done to facilitate communication? Teenagers NEED to talk about sex with adults they trust. Are teenagers afraid, as I was, that the adults in their lives will abandon them once the lack of innocence is out of the bag? What is it that we adults are afraid of?