Comments on: Racism and Relationships

By: Chuck B.

Chuck B. — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 13:45:58 +0000

Robert:
I would say this to your dilemma. Back in the mid 1980’s I came home for a visit from college and became reacquainted with my cousin Milton who is openly glouriously gay. My family is very liberal, but he made some of family uncomfortable. My other cousin who I had known since we were both three was openly homophobic. At an event I sat next to Milton and chatted with him: joking and openly accepting him and his life. He became part of my circle of friends whenever I visited home and soon my family was not only accepting, but couldn’t invite him to enough events. Now he is the Godfather of my only son, and everybody has told me I made an excellent choice.

Speaking up…it does a body good.

By: Alice

Alice — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 11:20:22 +0000

I can’t wrap my mind around this sort of thing, although the part I have trouble with isn’t so much that people are racist–they are–but the sexual violence implied in the situation of wanting to kill your own sister because you didn’t like her boyfriend’s skin color. Men don’t have the right to dominate over women like that, and it’s very disturbing that they think they do, here, and now.

By: robert

robert — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 18:33:45 +0000

This post was uncomfortbly topical for me. I just spent a couple of days with a branch of my family still burdened with a great deal of prejudice. Although no one there would use an obvious racial slur - all references to folks of other races were “they” and “them”. As in “What I don’t understand is why *they* don’t blah blah blah…” or “It’s not racism. A lot of *them* are decent hard working folks…”

Since the whole point of the visit was to reconnect and overcome some lingering astrangement, it was hard for me to speak up.

By: JustAnotherTeen

JustAnotherTeen — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 19:00:30 +0000

Yes, I definitely think those attitudes are less prevalent in my generation, but I fear it will take several more generations before the become virtually nonexistent. I have always thought that each generation passes down a fraction of their beliefs, but it still takes time to go away.

By: Jairy

Jairy — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 17:57:58 +0000

Thanks for sharing JustAnotherTeen. I am 31 years old and grew up with a message of racism. Fortunately, the society I grew up in contradicted that message and I taught me differently. I still find traces of racism and disapproval of interracial couples in the people I grew up with. Some of them hide behind the idea that children from interracial couples suffer because they are different, which I believe is incredibly outdated (if it ever existed).

I had a conversation with some coworkers about racism a few years back and we all agreed that it will end when we stop teaching it. I feel sorry for your roommates that they have been taught something so terribly incorrect. The good news is that you and I (and everyone reading this) can teach the truth about race and interracial relationships and lead by example. Speaking out is important, but it is important that you do it as to not alienate those you are trying to teach. I appreciate your attitude on this subject. I find that more young people I know share your attitude and that gives us all encouragement.

By: JustAnotherTeen

JustAnotherTeen — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 15:09:19 +0000

Thanks Chuck. I will really have to try to speak out more often!

By: Chuck B.

Chuck B. — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 13:46:44 +0000

I’m an African American man in an interracial relationship. I would say it comes down to standing up and speaking out. I’m from Philadelphia and currently live in the soncervative small town of Harrisburg PA where just being a person from Philly is a strike against me. I’m a UU, another strike, and I don’t like watching sports, the third strike. So you would think I would keep my mouth shut about intolerance.

I don’t I’m open about my support for gay rights and I quickly take to task any anti-semetic or homophobic statements made by my co-workers black or white. Again, I could just keep my mouth shut and work harder to fit in, but I was raised that silence equates with acceptance.

Even when as a teen I stayed at an Arizona Junior College where I was one of 12 blacks in a town of 30,000 I followed my heart. There the reigning minority at the time were the native americans who were shunned by the wites. I, however, shocked the town by being friends with them. (Actually it ended up giving nerdy me the image of being some sort of super tough guy)

I’m not saying to be defiant at all costs. I am saying that pointing out to a racist that their behavior is ugly and not condoned is the first step.

Will it be uncomfortable? Yes.

Will there be retaliation? Yes.

Will you emerge a better person? Yes.

Remember this too, only by exposing racists can their inappropriate behavior be addressed and maybe…just maybe changed.