Comments on: Ageism

By: Alice

Alice — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 04:13:08 +0000

Well, I’m the same age as you and my own brother and sister-in-law thought you were an adult and I was a kid even though the only tangible difference between us was that you had a child at the time and I didn’t, so….

But I’ve been in the same situation as you, where people think I’m too smart to be as young as I am but too young-looking to be as old as I am. Like when I was 17 and my 40-year-old friend poured me a glass of wine because he completely forgot that I wasn’t 21 yet. And when I was 26 and my infant and I got nasty looks from people on the train because “unwed teenagers shouldn’t have babies.”

It gets tiresome, but, I think if we humans didn’t ever apply any stereotypes at all, we’d all go insane from having to look at similar situations with new eyes every time.

By: Don Hayward

Don Hayward — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 21:30:39 +0000

Hmm. I completely forgot to answer your questions What am I doing to address the ageism that I see in myself/others? I put myself in the middle. Not as a mediator, but as a participant. For myself, it forces me to see everyone in the group differently then I had before. Hopefully it makes me more vocal to speak up when I’m outside of the group(”Elderly couple sex? I hope I have/still plan on having the energy and drive that they have.”). Externally, maybe I can draw members of each group into conversation with each other. I mean if I have interests with both, maybe they do too. And I also can be an example.

By: Don Hayward

Don Hayward — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 21:21:58 +0000

(Inadvertently posted that before I was ready)
What I had to address within myself wasn’t what you had accomplished at so young an age, but what I hadn’t. We all have grandiose dreams in youth. Some people follow them. Others find different paths. One of the things that I have come to terms with is that I am still growing up. I am still learning what it is to be an adult, a parent, to be me.

On just the subject of ageism, I fall back on comments I have made before. We all use stereotypes. They are a crutch. We should use them, when we have to, and abandon them when we have moved on. And we need to move on. The use of the crutch beyond absolute necessity is somewhat pathetic. However, an important part of moving on is acknowledging the crutch.

You are one of those people that prove to us just how wrong our use of the crutch of ageism can be. Please continue to help us address it. I’m sorry it keeps hitting you.

By: karenrayne

karenrayne — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 21:17:11 +0000

Yes, Don, some people who “meet” me first online and then in person are somewhat taken aback. (I used to have a picture up on my blog - perhaps I should get one up again.)

I would like to gently point out that you allowed yourself to feel old by comparing our chronological ages. This is a point that I have needed to work on in myself - I can’t take on responsibility for making anyone feel old. I just can’t personally take that on.

While I know that your feels were something that you felt, thought about, and let go, not everyone has been able to go through that process without blaming me. I’ve had people get angry at me because of my age - while clearly it’s just not something that I can help - except by continuing to live, which I fully intend to do!

Thank you for your kind, supportive words about my writing this afternoon, Don. Much needed and much appreciated.

By: Don Hayward

Don Hayward — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 21:08:27 +0000

I have to say that this is funny. My first interactions with you were here, but when I met you in person at Our Whole Lives training, my first thought was “Wow, she’s so young. Wow, I’m so old.” It actually took me a day to sit down and get to know you a little better. I had to address some thoughts within myself. You made me feel old.

By: lynn

lynn — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 20:33:56 +0000

Karen,

As long as you’ve watched “Hee Haw”, I don’t think your age really matters.

With love,

Lynn (sorry, dear readers, it’s an inside joke)