This week has not been an uplifting one for those looking for progressive and women-friendly laws about sex. And frankly, I don’t have quite the energy to rage. Instead, here are the words of others:
RH Reality Check talks about how anti-abortion groups are subtly shifting their focus from narrowly protesting abortion to widely protesting all forms of birth control (including, most notably, the pill).
Paul Sunstone of Cafe Philos talks about the potential freedom of speech issues in the decision by the three largest ISPs to block all child porn sites.
And speaking of bad news, I gave some to a mom yesterday.
Here’s the situation: This mom’s teenage son is not doing as she would prefer. He’s smoking pot, having sex, and ignoring most of what she says. I tried to point out what he’s doing right – going to school, having safe sex, coming home. But she had a hard time acknowledging the good choices he makes.
So I was talking with this mother about how to maximize her son’s good choices and help them bleed over into the areas where she’s currently concerned about his behaviors. But in order for her to help her son, I was straight up and told her there were some things she was going to have to change before he would start to change. And these were big, lifestyle changes I was talking about. Not changing the laundry detergent brand changes. She wanted nothing of it.
I told her that I had bad news: That unless she changed, her son wouldn’t change. I’m hoping after sleeping on it, she’ll wake-up renewed and ready to start really grappling with her own issues in order to help her son start addressing his. But really, it’s in her court, in her power to break the pattern.
It’s difficult for parents to think they have any responsibility to DEMONSTRATE longterm the behaviors they want to see from their children. It’s difficult for parents to recognize that the young child who obeyed without questioning is now capable of determining their own actions and following through. The son will keep changing, we all do. But, it is not likely to be in the direction this mother wants. He may not change the way she wants him to even if she is willing to make changes herself, but the odds would improve, based on the situation you describe. Too bad she couldn’t hear you.
I’m so glad you were the voice of reason for this mom. She won’t have her son’s attention too much longer anyway; then he’ll be off doing what he does. Parents are often so unwilling to consider the dynamic in the relationship…it’s a fundamental tenet of adultism: the kids are screwed up and it has nothing to do with the adults around them.
I hope the mom takes your tough but excellent advice. It sounds like the kid is handling his life a wee bit better than his mother, despite his flaws.
Thanks for the link, by the way! 🙂