Comments on: Privilege vs. Responsibility

By: Adolescent Sexuality by Dr. Karen Rayne » Sex as a responsibility - Part 1

Adolescent Sexuality by Dr. Karen Rayne » Sex as a responsibility - Part 1 — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 11:46:45 +0000

[...] as a responsibility - Part 1 On Friday I wrote about the importance of talking with teenagers about privilege vs. responsibility in sexual [...]

By: Robert

Robert — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 00:23:00 +0000

In general, this seems to be very in line with your overall approach of preparing teenagers by adulthood by gradually letting them assume more responsibilities until, I think you stated the goal was “no rules by 18″.

By: Ruth Rinehart

Ruth Rinehart — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:30:46 +0000

Interesting, thinking of sexuality as a privilege, rather than a gift. I think of privilege as something that can be withheld (under certain circumstances) … something that not everyone has, and you are lucky, blessed, if you are one of the ones that have it.

None of this really falls into the category of sexuality, though, because everyone *has* sexuality, it comes with our human being-ness. No parent can take away a child’s sexuality, whether or not that child is actively engaging sexually with someone else.

I can see your point, though, because of course the responsibility aspect is very, very important. I’d like you to think about how you can incorporate the language of necessary responsibility with the “gift” aspect of sexuality.

By: karenrayne

karenrayne — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:13:54 +0000

No, of course helping your teenager meet his/her responsibilities is different from throwing them out. But your teenager should be responsible for finding appropriate childcare, earning money, finishing school, changing diapers, and generally appropriate parenting. It can be hard for newly minted grandparents to strike a good balance between (a) providing appropriate physical and emotional support and (b) still allowing their teenage child to fully parent their grandchild. (Let’s be honest: this is hard enough for some parents of adult children to do!).

Getting it just right on the privilege/responsibility scales is hard to do. But critical to strive for.

By: Alice

Alice — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 13:17:32 +0000

I agree that increased privilege should come with increased responsibility.

(And I think of my own adolescence and laugh.)

One thing about it, though: I believe that if my daughter gets pregnant prior to turning 18, I must assume partial responsibility for her child–by giving it a place to live if nothing else. Would this mean not asking my daughter to take responsibility for engaging in sex?