Comments on: Another Guest Blogger

By: Robert

Robert — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 23:56:33 +0000

Being sexually involved with more than one person seems like one those grand ideas like pure communalism. Great in theory, but once human frailties and egos and fears all get involved things get sticky (no pun intended).

For me the multiple partner thing wouldn’t work. Setting aside the issue of me being in a monogamous partnership I just think it’s not in my nature (or I’ve just internalized the dominant paradigm on this issue) - but it’s the same net effect.

In “Queer as Folk” terms I’m more Justin than Brian.

By: Mrs Y

Mrs Y — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 03:28:09 +0000

I have a friend from high school who’s poly, and other pals who are simply cheating on their spouses (one of whom claims to be poly, but I don’t think that’s what it’s called when the wife doesn’t know). I had a lot of sex with multiple partners in my teens and twenties, and I have to say I enjoyed it. But I got tired in the end of how much of my sense of self-worth was bound up in the successful expression of my sexuality (read: attracting partners), and I got religion, and I got pregnant, and I got married. I agree that we need to acknowledge sexuality as a core element of ourselves and talk about it way more - especially with kids! - but to my way of thinking that means treating it with a certain respect and not using it to sell crap or avoid addressing problems or as a substitute for other forms of self-realization. The fact that many people embrace limitations on their freedom doesn’t mean they’ve been brainwashed by the prevailing culture (though Lord knows I’ll cop to being patriarchy’s handmaiden despite my advanced feminist reading and adoration of Twisty Faster and Susie Bright). Sexuality is as integral to us as hunger for food, but some people would really rather just have the same things to eat over and over again.

By: Margaret Pevec

Margaret Pevec — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 23:09:44 +0000

What a delightful surprise. I expected the guest blogger to be on the conservative end of the spectrum. Thanks for sharing your personal experience so honestly. It’s interesting to hear your views.

I believe theoretically in having multiple sexual partners…in fact at one point about 10 years ago, I was thinking seriously about having a threesome of live-together partners (because I loved two people and didn’t want to choose). What the intervening years has taught me is that having one, healthy and mutually satisfying relationship is complicated enough for me; so complicated that I don’t have one. Nor am I particularly interested in sex without relationship. But, I think if we were raised to see sex as a natural and enjoyable aspect of our humanness, and if the majority of people thought so, sexual dynamics would change dramatically. This has already started with the changes in the 60’s, but I’d guess we have another 100 years or so to go. A lot of that will depend on what young women choose to do going forward. I think women need to be empowered to control their sexual lives. First we need to acknowledge that girls and women are sexual beings equal to men, as you suggest in your writing.

One of my favorite books is “The Fifth Sacred Thing” by Starhawk. A group of young characters in her book grew up together and were free to experiment with sex together (they had fairly enlightened parents). She describes a scene where they are seeing each other as young adults after a long separation and have sex as a group; it was beautifully written as a sacred act of reconnecting. I think there was even a special room at the house for the purpose. Beautiful. I believe lots of things are possible, especially among aware, trustworthy and loving people.

By: Wendy Harlowe

Wendy Harlowe — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 15:51:24 +0000

Understandable, totally. I completely understand the sexual connection with someone you deeply love. With my partner of 14 years, I have had sex only with him for the past 6 years, and it has deepened in ways I couldn’t have foreseen. Doesn’t change my basic beliefs, though. I think it also has to do with literally aging; sexuality simply isn’t the drive it once was. (more on that Monday, the biology of it all)

By: Alice

Alice — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 13:38:29 +0000

I couldn’t, no. So much of sex for me is tied up in my commitment to the one person who makes my life complete. But I don’t make claims for what other people can enjoy.