And by the time teenagers get themselves to a health care provider, the situation is somewhat different. However, the stigma that exists against STIs prevents many teenagers from seeking help. I and other sex educators have found that decreasing the intensity of our response to STIs often increases teenager’s willingness to seek help early, before an STI rages out of control and they have no other choice but to seek help. I and others have also found that encouraging regular testing, regardless of a lack of symptoms, is more easily encouraged when the threshold of freak-out is very, very high.

Please also note: There is a significant difference between “not such a big deal” and “no big deal.” Teenagers’ emotional energy about STIs is generally very high, even if they aren’t willing to admit it. What they need is calm adults who take things in stride and help them to get regular STI testing.

I find this statement to incredibly irresponsible. While it is true that chlamydia is easily treated if you have access to care, HIV, HPV, HSV all have no cure. Treatment for moderate to severe cervical dysplasia caused from HPV can lead to an incompetent cervix and infertility. Chlamydial infections are also a major cause of tubal infertility even if they are “treated pretty easily”.

As a health care provider to an adolescent population, I have to completely disagree with the “no big deal” mentality. A very dangerous attitude.

One of the main preventative action that teens (and all women) can take to prevent rape is to stay unimpaired by drugs and/or alcohol. A high, high percentage of women are raped when they are impaired, because they lose their natural caution and end up in much riskier situations.

Also, I’d like to mention that the level of conflict between their parents is a huge indicator in how the children will turn out, regards substance abuse, mental health impairments, etc. Parents, are you listening? If you are in conflict with your child’s other parent, you are damaging them, and increasing their risks for navigating their adult lives.

Other than my website: http://www.threetrusts.com, a terrific trio of website are:
http://www.uptoparents.com (for divorced/separated parents)
http://www.proudtoparent.com (for separated, never-married parents)
http://www.whileweheal.com (for parents who just might be able to stay together)

Namaste,
Ruth Rinehart
http://www.threetrusts.com

I think that’s covered under “accuracy” or “telling the truth”.

To use Internet speak…

TRUFAX:
1.) The only way to be 110% sure you don’t get pregnant or get an STD is to abstain from sexual contact (intercourse, oral, or anal).
2.) Using protection reduces your risk of pregnancy and STDs.
3.) It is possible to have sex w/o any form of protection and to not get pregnant and/or not get an STD. It’s a crapshoot, though, and one that’s really not wise to gamble with.

And I think it’s point 3 that parents struggle with when it comes to teenage sex. Because when you’re a teen, you’ll (sometimes… oftentimes?) make decisions that are more risky. (I know I did.) You’re more willing to take your chances. Perhaps that’s why parents lie and say that if you ever have sex w/o protection, you’ll get knocked up (or get some girl knocked up) or some horrible disease.

“So good sex education needs to acknowledge that you don’t get pregnant every time you have sex without a condom - but then ask the question of whether the teenager is willing for this time to be the one when she does get pregnant.”

I really like that way of putting it.

Also, I noticed that you brought up the point and then wrote about pregnancy and STDs (when talking about not all sex is bad).

However, I had hoped that you’d also write on the emotional side of it. That not all teenage sex is bad, from an emotional and relationship standpoint. Not to sound clicheed, but there comes a time in a person’s life where they’re ready enough to start having sex. (I don’t think anyone’s ever really fully ready, at least not until they’ve been having it a few years.) Not all teenage sex ends in emotional scarring, not all teenage sex ends in drama or issues.

I lost my virginity at 17 to a young man from Germany. I do not regret losing my virginity at 17, and I do not regret losing my virginity to him. I was lucky to have a partner who was caring, patient, and kinky in the same ways I was. (The kinky part is important. Too many kinky people had non-kinky partners who reacted badly and were shamed into the Kink Closet for years, sometimes decades.) We were both virgins, so neither of us were experienced, but we were both willing to laugh at ourselves and not take it too seriously when we had some physical difficulties due to our inexperience. And, I think, most importantly, I was lucky to have a partner I genuinely loved and who genuinely loved me back. We cared about each other and we explored together. And my first experiences with sex I really don’t think could have been better.

So, yeah, adults need to acknowledge to teens that, no, not all teenage sex is something to regret. It doesn’t always end in shameful tears. Sometimes it ends in a greater knowledge about your body, your emotions, and life itself.