Thank you for your comments! It’s always great to have good questions asked about my posts.

Yes, I do believe that marriage must be part of a relationship primer. Marriage is so prevalent in our society - it just has to be talked about. However, I might change my wording somewhat to refer to “committed relationships” rather than “marriage” based on your comment.

Also, I do intend to keep my language strong in this statement of belief. Sometimes parents have a hard time hearing and taking action on the need to talk with their kids about sex. I feel very strongly that parents and children/teenagers need to talk about sex. So intend to keep my wording strong!

To your third comment: Conversations about sex between parents and their children are generally embarrassing. While it isn’t always that way, it generally is. And it is often particularly embarrassing as those conversations get started.

And as to the personality of those involved: Yes! It’s critical! Every relationship is different because of the individuals involved. There is no one absolute right way to do anything. (And Dorian, how I wish I could give absolutes! But I will try to give closer guidelines about age at a later date.)

Thanks for the comments everyone, keep sending them in!

And, I expect that you will, in time, amend this “what I believe” to be a little less strident (as in, “otherwise, its too late”).

Also, I’m not sure we need to presume that it “probably will be embarrassing for everyone.” Most of us never had the kinds of discussions with our parents that you are advocating, and plenty of us are happy with our sexuality, whether it came through the crucible or not.

The personalities of the kids involved also matter a lot; my oldest daughter is very private, and has not ever engaged with me in the kind of discussion on these sorts of emotionally charged topics that I would like. My youngest daughter is much more open and able to discuss anything. With her, I’ve been able to introduce terrific reading material that has been the basis for terrific discussions (the Clan of the Cave Bear series, the What’s Happening to my Body Book for Girls), as well as numerous opportunities with media in all its forms — display advertising, movies (so many movies are rated more than PG for sexuality that doesn’t offend me at all and doesn’t seem inappropriate … eroticized sexual violence is what I am careful to watch for … it must be accompanied by discussion … Of course, sexual violence must also be part of the ongoing discussion as well … since images of it are so prevalent.

Karen, your link to the asexuality site is terrific (one your next post … this comment is a few day’s late … I love your next two posts!) … what a boon the internet is, yes? For folks who feel so alone, thinking no one could be like them.