And the thing is, Ruth, I’m not saying that all parents need to do this all the time. Only that when instituting rules, parents need to consider how those rules would impact their own lives if they had to abide by them. And that most teenagers will respond to rules better if they understand that they are household rules - everyone abides by them - and not just rules that apply only to them.

Hopefully, teenagers in the 16-18 age set will know by this time that different rules apply to different situations. (I’m thinking here of the great response to kids in many situations … every household is different)

We know now that brain development isn’t finished until early to mid 20s, so it makes sense that people under that age have protective measures set up, to protect them from making bad decisions.

On another note, since the number one cause of death for teens is alcohol-related automobile deaths, what parents these days have the gumption to refuse their child a driver’s license until they are 18? it is a singular action that can give that child a much, much better shot at living until the age of 20, but who does it?

The problem is that teenagers see things as very black and white, and they see themselves as responsible decision makers (even if their parents do not). So what teenagers need are good examples of decision-making that they can mimic. That can either be engaging in a behavior responsible (drinking alcohol in appropriate situations, for example) or not engaging in it at all (smoking cigarettes, for example).

This does not mean that teenagers won’t behave irresponsibly around in situations where their parents have modeled appropriate decision-making. Only that the teenager will understand that the rules the parents set down are: 1) realistic, because the parent is following them and 2) have enough moral force that the parent is willing to abide by them.