Comments on: When can teenagers start to date? http://karenrayne.com/2007/11/28/when-can-teenagers-start-to-date/ Sat, 11 Feb 2012 02:39:18 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7.1 hourly 1 By: catherine http://karenrayne.com/2007/11/28/when-can-teenagers-start-to-date/comment-page-1/#comment-4628 catherine Thu, 28 May 2009 13:28:14 +0000 http://karenrayne.com/2007/11/28/when-can-teenagers-start-to-date/#comment-4628 my dad did not really support dating.but he allowed us have friends.he did not relly specify an age but i thinkl he would not be surprised if he knows that i am dating at 17. my dad did not really support dating.but he allowed us have friends.he did not relly specify an age but i thinkl he would not be surprised if he knows that i am dating at 17.

]]> By: Bulletin News http://karenrayne.com/2007/11/28/when-can-teenagers-start-to-date/comment-page-1/#comment-397 Bulletin News Sat, 08 Dec 2007 11:04:08 +0000 http://karenrayne.com/2007/11/28/when-can-teenagers-start-to-date/#comment-397 Phenomenal view covering When can teenagers start to date?. Always love your posts. Phenomenal view covering When can teenagers start to date?. Always love your posts.

]]> By: Stacey http://karenrayne.com/2007/11/28/when-can-teenagers-start-to-date/comment-page-1/#comment-396 Stacey Sat, 08 Dec 2007 03:11:24 +0000 http://karenrayne.com/2007/11/28/when-can-teenagers-start-to-date/#comment-396 But what do you think? What are the potential benefits of a rule against dating? What are the potential downsides? Do you have such a rule for your teenager? How’s it working out for you? Did your parents have such a rule for you? How did it work out? Perhaps an even bigger question: What does it mean to be “ready to start dating”? For me, my father didn't "allow" me to date until I was 18 and he was very strict and I still managed to have boyfriends at around 13. Then I went to live with my mother who allowed me to date and was fairly open. I could discuss things with her even though now I realize that we barely touched the surface. With our daughter we never imposed a dating "age" on the theory that we would be included more in her relationships if we were a part of them and could accept it calmly. We joke now that dating her is dating the whole family but she and we both like that. I think that when you impose an arbitrary rule, they just do it behind your back and then you really don't know WHO they are with. We've know everyone she has dated and even if we don't like them, we NEVER say anything until the relationship is over. We've also noticed that she seeks our advice much more than our friends' children because she knows that we can calmly discuss it AND disagree while giving her space to make her own decisions and we never (ok, rarely) say, "I told you so." I'm just confused by what I view as an abdication of parental responsibility and obligation by not extending your teaching/training of your child with regards to sex, love and relationships. I want to convey my values while preparing her to deal with an important aspect of her life, which extends to sex, love, relationships, reproduction and motherhood. But what do you think? What are the potential benefits of a rule against dating? What are the potential downsides? Do you have such a rule for your teenager? How’s it working out for you? Did your parents have such a rule for you? How did it work out? Perhaps an even bigger question: What does it mean to be “ready to start dating”?

For me, my father didn’t “allow” me to date until I was 18 and he was very strict and I still managed to have boyfriends at around 13. Then I went to live with my mother who allowed me to date and was fairly open. I could discuss things with her even though now I realize that we barely touched the surface.

With our daughter we never imposed a dating “age” on the theory that we would be included more in her relationships if we were a part of them and could accept it calmly. We joke now that dating her is dating the whole family but she and we both like that. I think that when you impose an arbitrary rule, they just do it behind your back and then you really don’t know WHO they are with. We’ve know everyone she has dated and even if we don’t like them, we NEVER say anything until the relationship is over. We’ve also noticed that she seeks our advice much more than our friends’ children because she knows that we can calmly discuss it AND disagree while giving her space to make her own decisions and we never (ok, rarely) say, “I told you so.”

I’m just confused by what I view as an abdication of parental responsibility and obligation by not extending your teaching/training of your child with regards to sex, love and relationships. I want to convey my values while preparing her to deal with an important aspect of her life, which extends to sex, love, relationships, reproduction and motherhood.

]]> By: Alice http://karenrayne.com/2007/11/28/when-can-teenagers-start-to-date/comment-page-1/#comment-380 Alice Wed, 28 Nov 2007 17:11:54 +0000 http://karenrayne.com/2007/11/28/when-can-teenagers-start-to-date/#comment-380 My mother had a rule that I couldn't date until I was 15, which was a moot point given my rock-bottom self-esteem issues in that area. She had that rule because <I>her</i> mother had had that rule for her. I wonder how many generations it goes back. My mother had a rule that I couldn’t date until I was 15, which was a moot point given my rock-bottom self-esteem issues in that area. She had that rule because her mother had had that rule for her. I wonder how many generations it goes back.

]]> By: Barb http://karenrayne.com/2007/11/28/when-can-teenagers-start-to-date/comment-page-1/#comment-379 Barb Wed, 28 Nov 2007 15:22:02 +0000 http://karenrayne.com/2007/11/28/when-can-teenagers-start-to-date/#comment-379 Karen, great post!!! I know so many parents that have said their kids can't date till some magical age (usually 16 for some reason.) It has never made sense to me, but I'm not one that really believes in having rules. It's alot like as soon as you're 21 you are mature enough to drink, or as soon as you're 18 you're mature enough to smoke cigarettes. I call these "magical ages." I love your posts, keep up the good work. Barb Karen, great post!!! I know so many parents that have said their kids can’t date till some magical age (usually 16 for some reason.) It has never made sense to me, but I’m not one that really believes in having rules. It’s alot like as soon as you’re 21 you are mature enough to drink, or as soon as you’re 18 you’re mature enough to smoke cigarettes. I call these “magical ages.” I love your posts, keep up the good work. Barb

]]>