Comments on: Intergenerational communities

By: Margaret

Margaret — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 21:29:50 +0000

I just found your blog and wanted to comment. I write a blog about adultism (http://adultism.blogspot.com)and just wrote this week about the impact of adultism on adult/teen relationships. I think the honest discussion here among those who commented on your post gets at the core issue: adults are either afraid of teenagers or make all sorts of assumptions about how they will act/react to an encounter. Or, teenagers are invisible. I totally agree that adults need to make the moves: we have all the power. If we want relationships with young people, we need to find ways to make it safe for them to trust us.

I’ll keep reading your blog. What I’ve seen so far is great!

By: Alice

Alice — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 12:53:00 +0000

I think the main thing that holds me back is that I hated being 11-16 and I want to stay away from anything or anyone that reminds me of that time in my life.

By: Dorian

Dorian — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 05:37:00 +0000

Or, it may mean that teens are tremendously segregated in the community I live and interact in - I’m not sure, I’ll be watching to try and figure that out. My church is VERY small and does not seem to have any teen members, my workplace is filled with adults only (I think). I pass teens on the street when I’m walking my dog, but it is hard to strike up a conversation in that situation (although even before this post I was aware that was an opportunity I wanted to try and reach out during. I’d love to get to know teens who live in my community). I’m also aware I am very careful about who I speak to and when because my days go by so fast, I’m always trying to “get something done” and I’m worried about getting delayed by an enriching conversation that takes too much time. Life is so full of good things, but the presence of adolescents would be a good thing also.

By: Karen Rayne, Ph.D.

Karen Rayne, Ph.D. — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 11:39:00 +0000

I’m particularly interested, Dorian, that you feel that you don’t come into contact with teenagers - but you’re self-realization that you may just not be noticing them. This is particularly interesting to me because I know that in the past you’ve had good relationships with teenagers and that you’ve been a welcomed advisor with a church youth group.

What this suggests is that even when you’ve hung out with teenagers easily in the past, interacting with teenagers is a habit that can you can loose if you don’t work to keep it up.

By: Dorian

Dorian — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 06:47:00 +0000

So, what you are saying, and it is irritating to hear because I think most of us tend to think of kids and teenagers as a different species, is to treat teenagers as if they were adults we were coming in contact with and wanted to develop a relationship with. Right? I believe that most adults are intimidated by the bad press on teenagers, and that, like Robert, we don’t know how to ‘treat’ this ‘adolescent’, and so we ignore them. I also feel like I don’t come into regular contact with teenagers, so I’m taking your post as a challenge to NOTICE this week when I do come in contact with an adolescent and to try to say something, anything, to them. Thanks for the challenge.

By: Karen Rayne, Ph.D.

Karen Rayne, Ph.D. — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 18:44:00 +0000

Well, yes, it may be a bit awkward at first. Getting to know anyone can be awkward at first. But it’s not that different to start talking with a teenager than with another adult. Ask them what their name is, why they are there (whether it’s church or some place else), what they enjoy doing with their free time, if they’ve seen any good movies recently, what kind of music they like, anything! Then follow-up their answers with things you enjoy, or other natural conversation replies.

Off-limits topics include only school, unless they bring it up first. And try not to barrage them with questions, because they’ll feel like they’re on trial for something.

By: Robert

Robert — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 18:15:00 +0000

So any suggestions as how to begin that conversation besides - “Hi I’m an adult reaching out to you, an adolescent!” I don’t on a very regular basis come into contact with many teenagers, but maybe that’s because I’m not really trying….