Adolescent Sexuality by Dr. Karen Rayne

Chew on this today: someone has apparently patented what they call a “security underwear device for sexual organs” (i.e., a chastity belt). Is it as horrible as it sounds? I think so. Is it real? It appears to be. How sure am I of that? Not completely, so I wrote to snopes.com (my go-to-site for Internet scams). Since they did not have anything listed on security underwear devices, I e-mailed them and asked what they thought. If they have anything to say on the topic, I’ll be sure and let you know.

So what do you think? Is this for real?

Thanks to Joan Price for the heads-up on this little outrage.

A study on teenagers’ understanding of virginity was published in the August 2007 issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health. The study looked particularly at adolescents’ understanding of virginity pledges and vague sexual education terminology. RH Reality Check distilled the results into two lists:

Adolescents believe virginity is maintained after participating in:

• genital touching (83.5%)
• oral sex (70.6%)
• anal sex (16.1%)
• vaginal intercourse (5.8%)

Adolescents believe abstinence is maintained after participating in:

• genital touching (44.2%)
• oral sex (33.4%)
• anal sex (14.3%)
• vaginal intercourse (11.9%)

So why the difference between the percentages on these two lists? And even more importantly, why is it that more than 10% of teenagers think that sexual abstinence is maintained after vaginal intercourse? Ah, the nuances of such heavily-leaden words as “virgin” and “abstinent.” Both of these words have been rendered close to meaningless by the extreme rhetoric associated with both. I say pitch them both - their meanings are unsalvageable. Let’s guide our vocabulary to more descriptive and useful words, like sexual intercourse, oral sex, anal sex, and groping. Everyone knows what these words mean, and so they continue to serve their purpose in dialogue effectively.

I am delighted to announce my first radio interview! I will be on KOOP 91.7 in Austin tomorrow, Thursday, September 13th on Soul Talk with Rev. Chuck Freeman. Soul Talk runs from 2 to 3, and I will be on during the second half of the show. If you aren’t in Austin, you can listen on-line. If you want to listen to the interview at a more convenient time, you can download the podcast from Chuck’s website.

The Care & Keeping of You, by Valorie Lee Schaefer, is also referred to as the American Girl Body Book and other similar things. I’ve been asked what I think about it, and here is my (rather long) answer:

First, this book is written for slightly younger kiddos than I generally work with. So my first reaction was that the large, colorful font, the excess of cartoon pictures, and the slightly aggressive racial diversity would all be put-offs for teenagers. Then I (metaphorically) slapped my forehead and remembered that this is more for 4th or 5th graders (the American Girl website says it’s for ages 8+). As I’m not as familiar with literature for this age range, please feel free to correct me if I’m off-base with my assumptions about what would appeal to them or how they would react to something.

In general, the book is pretty good stuff. It’s mostly basic body care for someone who is just beginning to care for their bodies. I learned most of this stuff from my mom. I think it’s probably best for girls to learn basic body care from their moms. I had a hard time letting my mom talk with me about basic body care – but she kept at it, and I think in the long run it was probably the best way for me to learn it. But if the mother/daughter relationship just isn’t conducive to those kinds of conversations, this book is a pretty good substitute. But be sure and remember that this book has nothing, in any way, whatsoever, in it about sex. Girls who read it will not learn anything about sex - not even how babies are made.

So for those who are interested in a longer description and discussion of the book, maybe to see if it’s a good book for your daughter, here you go:

The book is broken up into different parts of the body in this order:

1. “Body Basics”
2. Care for the head area – hair, ears, eyes, mouth, face, and skin
3. Care and information about hands, underarms, and breasts
4. Information about belly shapes and sizes, food, and nutrition
5. Information about the pubic area and periods
6. Care and information about legs, feet, sports, and sleep
7. The last section is about the internal/emotional aspects of adolescence.

The section focused on the head is a good basic overview of cleanliness and care. A bit is about liking your face for what it is.

The chest and arm section includes a bit on underarm cleanliness, but focuses on what it is like to grow breasts and how to buy a bra.

The fourth section is a little bit haphazard – it includes some information about how bodies develop at different rates and tidbits like a thickening waist does not necessarily mean overweight for a developing girl. It also attempts to package the current USDA “personal pyramid” (see picture on the right) into something clearly understandable. It fails, but then I’ve yet to see any explanation that is really clear anyway. This section also discusses eating disorders – the most text-heavy portion of the entire book. It’s decent enough, I guess, but I certainly don’t think it’s anything like a preventative or a real help if a girl has already begun to walk down that path. It may help girls identify friends with eating disorders and encourage them to seek adult help for their friends.

The fifth section is basically the crotch section. It begins with a short intro to pubic hair and vaginal cleanliness and discharge, but quickly moves into a tell-all about periods and supplies to catch menstrual blood. Regrettably, they only discuss disposable pads and tampons. Not even a mention of cotton or hemp pads or keepers. They make up for this, however, with the really good description and pictures of how to insert a tampon on pages 76 and 77 (see picture below to see the bulk of that 2-page spread). I would have given just about anything to have seen those two pages when I started my period. Really, it’s worth the entire book for just those two pages. There is also a short discussion on how to live through PMS and menstrual cramping.

The section on legs is another hodge-podge. It includes information on shaving legs, general foot cleanliness, why exercise is important, how to exercise safely, an ode to the importance of sleep, and how to address some sleep troubles (bed wetting, insomnia, and nightmares).

The three or four pages on emotional stability is essentially a throw-away. But never fear! American Girl has a whole book on just that topic. Hopefully I’ll get around to reviewing it sometime soon.

All of the sections end with questions theoretically asked by young girls and answered by the author. This seems to be a pretty good format for addressing some of the more interpersonal issues that are related to girls’ developing bodies.

In general, I think the book is good for girls ages 8 - 11, depending on their specific developmental place.

Today is the sixth anniversary of the day two planes crashed into the World Trade Center, one into the Pentagon, and one more into fields in Pennsylvania.

The young people who were teenagers in 2001 were, as a group, dramatically affected by the attacks. Adolescence is a time when there is a deeper opening of the soul, so the tragic and the painful and the beautiful and the gentle tend to enter and pierce more deeply than they do for the younger child or for the adult. These young people were marked more deeply by the tragedy than most others.

Because adolescence covers such a short time span, most of the those who were teenagers in 2001 are now young adults. 9/11 to the current cohort of teenagers is something from their childhood. It is probably remembered starkly, but more because of the reactions of the adults around them than because of the act itself.

I had a newborn baby on 9/11. She slept and nursed and gurgled the morning through attached to me in our sling. Without a TV, we spent most of the morning listening to NPR, leaning against the open front door, watching the cars and people go by. Eventually I walked across the street to a neighbor’s house, to be with someone. I saw the image of the burning towers for the first time there.

Where were you six years ago? Where was your teenager or child? Take some time today to ask for their memories of the day - don’t assume that just because you were together that you have the same memories. And don’t feel compelled to use the time as a teaching moment - just listen and learn about how your teenager or young adult internalized such an incredibly painful moment in our shared history.

Yesterday a teenager at my church (Wildflower UU Church) told me that she didn’t really care about sex education, and nor did her friends really care about it. She didn’t seem to be trying to be rude – on the contrary, she was quite apologetic about it. Pointed out that it wasn’t because she or her friends disliked me personally. They just weren’t really interested in sex ed.

I didn’t take her comment personally. However I do think she misunderstands what sex education is about – just as many parents misunderstand what sex education is about. She (and many parents) think my goal is to push some “sexuality agenda.” Be it condom use, abstinence, or polygamy, most people who talk about sex to teenagers have a very definite goal for that teenager’s current and future sex life in mind.

And I guess I do have a goal too – I want the teenagers I talk with to figure out sexuality for themselves, in a safe, non-dogmatic environment. I certainly have opinions about condoms, abstinence, and polygamy. But my opinions aren’t necessarily your opinions. And so long as teenagers have all the information about those and other sexuality issues, they can and should discover their own opinions within the context of their family and cultural morals and history. My job is just to get them the information and provide them with a safe place to sift through it.

(And for the record, I think condoms should be used unless everyone involved has been tested for STDs and both parties want to bring a baby into the world, I think abstinence is a fine personal choice for people of all ages if they are able to make it dogma-free, and I think polygamy has historically disadvantaged women and maintained the patriarchy, although I don’t think it necessarily has to do that.)

Today’s post is not so much about sexuality, with more focus on the whole adolescent thing…

As primarily (although not exclusively) adults read my blog, you may not be aware of whateverlife.com. This is a delightful website that was created and is still run by Ashley Qualls, otherwise known as AshBo. Whateverlife is a site that creates Myspace page layouts. The site is currently making about $70,000 per month in advertising revenue. According to at least one source, the site is ranked 349 - that would be the 349th most popular website out all of the millions of websites on the web. Pretty astounding. Perhaps even more astounding, Ashbo is 17. In Feb of ‘06 AshBo dropped out of high school, and she’s now attending a community college part-time while she runs her (very lucrative) business.

She sounds cool. I’d totally be her friend. I wonder how much she knows about sex ed?

This is fabulous short movie (running time 18:29 minutes). Here is the synopsis from the Reel NY Film Festival site:

A Brooklyn teen hides an important secret while on a quest for intimacy and inclusion. Some secrets we should tell. Some questions we should ask.

But this just doesn’t do the film justice. It has won several awards, including the Best Student Film from the Hollywood Black Film Festival. I looked for the film on youtube, but couldn’t find it, so I can’t post it here. So please click on the link and watch it on the Reel NY Film Festival site. Then make sure your teenager watches it too. Here are a few questions to guide your conversation:

• At what point should the girl have told the boy her secret?
• If you were the girl, do you think you would have made the same choices?
• If you were the boy, what would your reaction be? Would you continue to see the girl?
• Should the mother have told the boy?

But remember, these are not just questions for the teenager to answer thoughtfully - they’re questions for the parent to consider deeply as well.

This is primarily a listing of places to get tested for STIs in Austin, Texas. However, for those in other places, most private physicians can order the required tests, and many cities have Planned Parenthood offices or other clinics which also offer the testing. For the closest PP clinic to you, visit the Planned Parenthood website and provide your zip code at the top of the page. Also check with your local city or county government to see if there is a free clinic near you.

I will be posting descriptions of the various STI tests over the next several weeks, so you and your teenager will know what to expect when you get tested.

And now on to the local information for Austin.

The first place, and perhaps the most obvious, is Planned Parenthood. Planned Parenthood offers STI testing as well as birth control, emergency birth control, abortions, and many other reproductive health related services. There are three clinics in Austin:

• North (9041 Research Blvd, 331-1288)
• Downtown (1823 E. 7th St, 477-5846)
• South (201 E. Ben White Blvd, 276-8000)

The north and south clinic offer services from 9am to 6:30pm, Monday through Saturday for all clients. The downtown clinic offers a split schedule dependent on age. For teenagers, the hours are 2 – 6:30pm, and many services are offered free or at a very reduced price. For anyone 20 or older, the hours are 8:30am – 1pm and all services are offered at a fixed price. Some services are offered on a walk-in basis, others require an appointment, the services and prices vary depending on the clinic, so calling ahead is the best bet.

A second good option for STI testing is the Austin/Travis County Health & Human Services Department, which offers a battery of four test (syphilis, HIV, chlamydia, and gonorrhea) for $15 to individuals ages 14 and up (no parental permission required). The office is located at 15 Waller St, and an ID and an appointment are required. To make an appointment call 972-5580. Results take 10 – 14 days.

Finally, for students at the University of Texas, the University Health Services offers a wide variety of services, including STI testing, birth control, and emergency birth control. A doctor (either at UHS or a private physician) needs to order the STI testing, and a full list of tests are possible. The testing ranges in price from $14 (for syphilis) to $68 (for one type of herpes blood test). Call for more information and for an appointment: 471-4955. Results take between 1 and 5 days.

Dating is a social trend that apparently started around 1920. That is, dating as defined by two young people going out to do something (often dancing or movies) together, alone. Several sources on the subject point to the accepted dating trend of “rating and dating” and “petting and paying.”

The first of these all-too-cute phrases, rating and dating, refers to competitive dating, or young men with more money and material goods were more able to date more, and more attractive young women. It seems to me that this had actually been going on for some time, but with marriage in mind. In the 1920’s it probably changed to a less-committed and younger crowd.

The second phrase, petting and paying, refers to young men who would pay the young women’s way on the date, and at the end of the date they would sit in the young man’s car and “pet.” Petting could include just about every sexual act short of sexual intercourse, although probably not as much oral sex as is seen in teenage crowds these days. But really anything that would not get a young girl pregnant was fair game.

Now, I’m not sure how your teenage dating lives went, but mine were pretty different than what is described here. Not, that is, the rating and dating system. That was firmly and uncontroversially in place. The primary difference was that I tended to pay my own way in order to avoid the feeling of obligation to make-out, or pet. Occasionally, on a particularly romantic evening, a young man who was a long-standing boyfriend would pay my way. But I was always slightly uncomfortable with that arrangement, I was somehow aware of this history of sexual obligation (perhaps my mother had connected those particular dots for me?) and sought to buck the trend.

So what are the dating trends that are affecting you or your son or daughter? What are the subtle obligations and expectations about sex and money that unfold during a date? How did you/are you handling them?

(The pictures at the top of the post are, of course, Mary Astor and John Barrymore, who dated from 1924 - 1925, with thanks to www.whosdatedwho.com.)