Comments on: A Show of Hands

By: Nathan Alan

Nathan Alan — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 19:32:00 +0000

In my opinion, nothing short of some kind of penetration (and even then…) is always sexual. So, holding hands, hugging, moderate kissing also can be nonsexual. I guess the issue might be if initmacy, an expression of connection between people, is always sexual, and again I’ve to go with no. Something being sexual depends on the individuals involved, in my opinion.

Being an hetrosexual adult male, I’m only comfortable, really, holding hands with female peers and in theory I’d be fine with holding my younger niece’s or younger nephew’s hand, but I’ve not any of those just yet. I haven’t the slightest idea the exact age that holding hands with relatives becomes questionable. But I do think it’s more about the age the young adolencent acts because again, sexuality is about what the individual’s thoughts. A mentally handicap 20 yaer old who has the mind of an 8year old holding the hand of their 45 year old parent isn’t very questionable, but if I were still holding hands with my parents in the same way I did when I was 8, I’d understand that coming off as questionable because of the sexual experience I’ve had being my age.

I can understand the idea that when two people of seemingly relatively equal age are holding hands there is an assumed attraction between the people, and that assumption alone isn’t all that negative.

By: Karen

Karen — Sun, 22 Jul 2007 08:27:00 +0000

My daughter & I still hold hands; not always, but sometimes, at home or just walking down the street. She is 21 and neither of us are lesbians. It is just a subconcious gesture of love to remind each other that we are never alone. It empowers us. How sad that the insensitivity of a total stranger should have the power to take that away from you & your niece.

By: Kala

Kala — Sun, 22 Jul 2007 07:04:00 +0000

Thanks for sharing that article - I always read the NY Times but must have missed this one. I liked the article but enjoyed your personal account even more - the stranger who made that comment seems quite ignorant and insensitive - I am surprised a stranger could make such a dumb comment and its unfortunate that your niece seemed to be affected by it when she removed her hands from yours after the woman said that.

As for me, I hold hands with my friend in public and in private.

I don't feel it is sexual at all even though she is of the opposite sex. Its our way of being affectionate without having to be sexual - not sure if that made sense.

By: Alice

Alice — Sat, 21 Jul 2007 12:42:00 +0000

I hold hands with my husband, my daughter, my mother, my father-in-law, my uncle, and Karen. I don’t think of it as sexual. I just like holding hands.