Comments on: Birth control, STDs, orgasms, and beyond http://karenrayne.com/2007/05/23/birth-control-stds-orgasms-and-beyond/ Thu, 17 May 2012 22:34:38 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7.1 hourly 1 By: Karen Rayne, Ph.D. http://karenrayne.com/2007/05/23/birth-control-stds-orgasms-and-beyond/comment-page-1/#comment-84 Karen Rayne, Ph.D. Wed, 23 May 2007 19:00:00 +0000 http://karenrayne.com/?p=53#comment-84 I think it is critical to talk about masturbation with girls and boys of all ages. First, of course, to encourage them to utilize the privacy of their own room. Then, eventually, to make sure they know it's healthy and that they should feel totally comfortable being hands-on in learning about their own bodies (literally, of course).<br/><br/>Out of those conversations should eventually come a discussion of the importance of continuing the pleasure of masturbation as a couple. When that conversation should happen really depends on the individual, but I think it would be lovely if teenagers thought sexual pleasure and orgasms were more important to a romantic relationship than sexual intercourse. Because, of course, it is. I think it is critical to talk about masturbation with girls and boys of all ages. First, of course, to encourage them to utilize the privacy of their own room. Then, eventually, to make sure they know it’s healthy and that they should feel totally comfortable being hands-on in learning about their own bodies (literally, of course).

Out of those conversations should eventually come a discussion of the importance of continuing the pleasure of masturbation as a couple. When that conversation should happen really depends on the individual, but I think it would be lovely if teenagers thought sexual pleasure and orgasms were more important to a romantic relationship than sexual intercourse. Because, of course, it is.

]]> By: Ruth http://karenrayne.com/2007/05/23/birth-control-stds-orgasms-and-beyond/comment-page-1/#comment-83 Ruth Wed, 23 May 2007 18:50:00 +0000 http://karenrayne.com/?p=53#comment-83 Its important to directly address female orgasm here. A friend of mine says she tells every adolescent girl she gets a chance to: “You shouldn’t have sex with anyone you don’t want to have an orgasm with.” Its far too easy for young women to be timid about getting their own sexual pleasure needs met, too easy to let the more assertive male partner drive/control the interaction.<br/><br/>What do you suggest, Karen, to say to pre-sexual, pre-adolescent girls? <br/><br/>In my case, the “What’s Happening To My Body Book for Girls” has been fruitful for discussions with my 10-yr-old daughter. She has been too shy to talk directly with me about masturbation, but she was able to listen as I read aloud that section, and the one about sexual fantasy. <br/><br/>(That particular evening brings a smile to my face every time I think about it. She is not one to go to bed without being reminded. But that night, after reading the sections about masturbation and sexual fantasy, the next section dealt with the urethra. She stopped me right there, covered her mouth with a few fake yawns, and said, I’m tired now, I think I’ll just go to bed. She didn’t ask for the normal “backy-scratchy” that night.)<br/><br/>I think its important that the act of masturbation is acknowledged to these kids – to let them know its normal, to let them know just about everyone does it, to let them know that some people do it in each others’ company. Mutual masturbation is a very safe alternative to oral sex and intercourse. Its important to directly address female orgasm here. A friend of mine says she tells every adolescent girl she gets a chance to: “You shouldn’t have sex with anyone you don’t want to have an orgasm with.” Its far too easy for young women to be timid about getting their own sexual pleasure needs met, too easy to let the more assertive male partner drive/control the interaction.

What do you suggest, Karen, to say to pre-sexual, pre-adolescent girls?

In my case, the “What’s Happening To My Body Book for Girls” has been fruitful for discussions with my 10-yr-old daughter. She has been too shy to talk directly with me about masturbation, but she was able to listen as I read aloud that section, and the one about sexual fantasy.

(That particular evening brings a smile to my face every time I think about it. She is not one to go to bed without being reminded. But that night, after reading the sections about masturbation and sexual fantasy, the next section dealt with the urethra. She stopped me right there, covered her mouth with a few fake yawns, and said, I’m tired now, I think I’ll just go to bed. She didn’t ask for the normal “backy-scratchy” that night.)

I think its important that the act of masturbation is acknowledged to these kids – to let them know its normal, to let them know just about everyone does it, to let them know that some people do it in each others’ company. Mutual masturbation is a very safe alternative to oral sex and intercourse.

]]> By: Alice http://karenrayne.com/2007/05/23/birth-control-stds-orgasms-and-beyond/comment-page-1/#comment-82 Alice Wed, 23 May 2007 17:52:00 +0000 http://karenrayne.com/?p=53#comment-82 Talking about sexual pleasure makes people uncomfortable, and telling the truth to teenagers makes adults uncomfortable, so...it's a lot of discomfort we have to get past. Odd, really, considering that sexual pleasure is something that all people, even babies, experience from time to time.<br/><br/>There is, of course, also the emotional component of bonding with someone that can be very attractive to anyone but especially risky for young people. Talking about sexual pleasure makes people uncomfortable, and telling the truth to teenagers makes adults uncomfortable, so…it’s a lot of discomfort we have to get past. Odd, really, considering that sexual pleasure is something that all people, even babies, experience from time to time.

There is, of course, also the emotional component of bonding with someone that can be very attractive to anyone but especially risky for young people.

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